Would it be unprofessional to engage with a (very specific/special) spectator?

[pl8ump1012]

HS Varsity is the level, for context.

I try to present myself as professionally as possible when I'm umpiring, and for the most part, I think I do a pretty decent job of that. It's something I try to take some pride in. Professionalism obviously includes how you interact with players, coaches, and spectators. I'm cordial but not excessively friendly with players and coaches. If I'm near a fence, and a spectator says something innocuous to me (e.g. "Beautiful day, huh?" - "That kid's got a decent arm!") I'll respond and briefly engage, but I wouldn't typically have a prolonged conversation with them. I also wouldn't engage with a spectator if they were being critical of me.

(For the record, I'm not saying that if you don't do these things, that you're unprofessional. This is just the way I choose to conduct myself.)

But what if my wife brings my 16 month old daughter to part of one of my games? Would it be unprofessional to approach and engage with them (mostly my daughter) between innings? I wouldn't seek them out every inning; probably just a quick "hello" when they get there and "goodbye" before they head out, and maybe some eye contact and a not-so-obvious wave a few times between other innings.

I'm leaning toward thinking this is okay, but I'd like to hear others' opinions and perspectives. At this point, my biggest concern is if a coach gets vocal with me, that's not necessarily something I'd like them to see. 

What do you all think? Is this a bad look, particularly at the HS Varsity level?

[BigBlue4u]

47 minutes ago, pl8ump1012 said:

But what if my wife brings my 16 month old daughter to part of one of my games? Would it be unprofessional to approach and engage with them (mostly my daughter) between innings? I wouldn't seek them out every inning; probably just a quick "hello" when they get there and "goodbye" before they head out, and maybe some eye contact and a not-so-obvious wave a few times between other innings.

Remember this:  You are there to umpire a ballgame, not socialize with your family.  I would recommend you give your wife and daughter a quick goodbye kiss just before you leave for the field and leave it at that.  

[The Man in Blue]

I think I've told this story on here before . . . 

Early in my "career" local 14u softball tournament, so teams that I have worked with before.  The two teams playing were "rivals" and there was quite a bit of over the top chirping (directed at the other teams as well as at us).  The TD was nowhere to be found, so I shut it down.  I wasn't confrontational, but wasn't exactly nice either.  I made it clear that I would have the entire area between the dugouts cleared out if "we couldn't be supportive of the game."

After that, at the half-inning, I am standing halfway up the line and simultaneously not listening to anybody and listening to everybody.  A few innings later, my wife shows up.  She was trying to be nice and bring me lunch.  She is at the backstop trying to get my attention between innings.  I am NOT leaving my spot and am NOT turning around to this crowd.  I hear my wife continuing to try to get my attention.

Finally one of the fans says, "Lady, you need to quit yelling at him before he throws us all out."

I hear another fan (politely) say, "That's his wife."

A third chimes in, "$#!+, I know he'll toss her out."

She finally says to some of the fans that she recognized, "Just tell him his lunch is in the umpire tent."

"NOPE!"

I still never turned around . . . and I had to stifle my laughter . . . and explain it to her later.  After that we agreed she may come watch, but I wasn't going to acknowledge her.  If you have a game going south, you don't want the crowd knowing your family is there.

 

As for the OP's question . . . you can be the consummate professional or you can be the guy who is having family day at the ballpark.  

[pl8ump1012]

I’m already convinced. If they come, no interaction/acknowledgement. But I’m thinking I won’t have them come. 
Thanks for the perspective. 

[Velho]

 

[noumpere]

Please.  We are humans and its an amateur game.

 

Go ahead and say hi and acknowledge them.

[JonnyCat]

On 4/13/2024 at 4:38 AM, noumpere said:

Please.  We are humans and its an amateur game.

 

Go ahead and say hi and acknowledge them.

Exactly right! Thank you!

My wife and kids have been the biggest supporters of my umpire avocation. She comes to nearly every one of my games if she is able to. I would not have the enjoyment of umpiring if not for the support of my wife and kids. Not only is she my biggest supporter, she is my best evaluator, as well. Many of my partners over the years know how good she is at evaluating, and they often ask for her to evaluate them when we're on games, too.

I understand there is a time and place for it, and so does she. But when I go to the fence to get a drink of water, I'm happy to say hi to wife, kids, friends that took the time out to see me work.

Many of my umpire colleagues wish their spouses would come to their games and get the support that I have been blessed with receiving. How many umpires do you know that their wives show no interest, and often little support for any of their hobbies? Probably plenty, I know I do.

You're damn right I'm going to acknowledge her at my games.

[JonnyCat]

On 4/12/2024 at 6:31 PM, pl8ump1012 said:

But what if my wife brings my 16 month old daughter to part of one of my games? Would it be unprofessional to approach and engage with them (mostly my daughter) between innings? I wouldn't seek them out every inning; probably just a quick "hello" when they get there and "goodbye" before they head out, and maybe some eye contact and a not-so-obvious wave a few times between other innings.

Say hi. Life is short and fleeting. If they took time out to see you, respect them back. 

It's a lot more peaceful to enjoy umpiring if your wife and kids support you and enjoy it, too.

[The Man in Blue]

On the flipside, when they yell, "NOBODY CAME TO SEE YOU BLUE!" you can turn it back on them.  😁

My story was a little harsh, but yes, read the room.  Some games are fine, some are not.

When my son started calling local "minor" league ball, I wanted to get a shirt made that said, "I came to watch the umpires."

[SeeingEyeDog]

Interesting topic...

My family is not much for baseball. I have actually asked them to come and see me umpire and I've gotten a polite...no thank you. This has now turned into, "When I work [insert huge opportunity here], I would appreciate you all being there. The same way the family attends other significant events together." And even though they are not interested in coming to see me work a game, I do tell them all the time, "I cannot do this without your love and support." Mrs. Dawg busts her a$$ making sure the family logistics are covered so that I can be open on Arbiter. Which given the complexity of my family's activities outside of work and school covering logistics frequently means setting up a carpool of some kind or compromising her personal and or professional schedule to make it all happen.

Everyone's situation is unique. There is no "right answer" for this. There is the answer that works for each individual umpire and those that are near and dear to them. My only concern is...The Game. I don't think any umpire would ever want to conduct themselves in such a way that The Game is somehow delayed or otherwise negatively impacted by dealing with a personal matter or chatting with family and friends.

Does this matter at some summer league travel game? Not really...Does it matter at JV and above? It could. But, again...it's personal for you and your family. If you can greet and spend a few moments between innings with family or visitors and it doesn't pre-occupy you or slow the game down? Of course...as others said above, take that time!

For me, I've told Mrs. Dawg and the pups if they ever change their mind and attend a game outside of one we've agreed they will attend in advance, they need to chat with me before the game or at the end of the game, please. Not in between innings, please...again, YMMV.

~Dawg

[Thunderheads]

On 4/13/2024 at 12:32 AM, Velho said:

 

I know an MLB umpire who does this when he's on TV ... says 'hi' to his mom w/ a certain gesture

[834k3r]

My family knows I won't acknowledge them while I'm working a game. I love they're there showing support, but I will not acknowledge them.

I need the mental space to remain focused on the game I'm there to officiate, rather than converse with my family.

Not all of us are the same, evidenced by the various comments to this thread--so @pl8ump1012 I encourage you to find where you land for your family and game.

 

[Kais]

Local leagues, low level tournaments, I'd say probably ok for short visit that doesn't slow the game down. High School and up, best to not have visitors during game.

True story -  I'm on plate of a 12U local league game. Between half innings I'm up toward team coming to bat side, I hear a voice from beyond the fence - "Blue". I ignore.  Again, "blue", I ignore. Third time, same scenario.  Then... KAISER!   Yep, it's my wife! She had stopped by the park to ask me about something she had to go do. I wasn't expecting her.  The folks in the bleachers got a pretty good laugh on that one.

[MadMax]

On 4/12/2024 at 6:31 PM, pl8ump1012 said:

But what if my wife brings my 16 month old daughter to part of one of my games? Would it be unprofessional to approach and engage with them (mostly my daughter) between innings?

I don’t see this as a “professionalism” issue. We’re human… we ain’t robots. And you are not a Professional (uppercase P), so don’t sweat any regard of “professionalism” if you’re interacting with or acknowledging your family during a game. Members of my summer league crew have had their kids run the bases during a mid-inning skit / activity, and come dashing into dad’s arms at the plate. I’ve had a catch (nerf football) with my niece in the stands during a between-inning lull (we have a mandatory 2 minute break for commercials). My nephews have thrown out the ceremonial first pitch. It’s not a problem. 

The only time / instance I see this being a potential problem isn’t directly because of you; instead, it’s during a 13-18 year old game wherein some parent sees you interact with your wife and (new) daughter, and suddenly, during the game, gets the impression (fantasy) that you are affecting their son’s chances of success, and getting that scholarship, and making the Big League, and if you’re messing with their son, then they’re going to go mess with your family. Extremely unlikely to happen, but it could happen. 

Some people have no scruples nowadays. 

[dumbdumb]

On 4/15/2024 at 9:39 AM, Thunderheads said:

I know an MLB umpire who does this when he's on TV ... says 'hi' to his mom w/ a certain gesture

If I remember correctly from an old article - Bill Hallers was a tug on the ear. You might remember him from the famous Earl Weaver video, but you might remember him from this other video/commercial that cannot be shown on TV anymore.

 

 

[Velho]

3 hours ago, dumbdumb said:

If I remember correctly from an old article - Bill Hallers was a tug on the ear.

Oh, that's what Tom Hallion was doing with "jackpot". I get it now.

[maven]

On 4/13/2024 at 7:38 AM, noumpere said:

Please.  We are humans and its an amateur game.

 

Go ahead and say hi and acknowledge them.

100%.

I have done this as well. Once, it had the effect of reminding the crowd that I was a human being with a life beyond calling little Billy out on strikes (which I do a lot, and, frankly, enjoy—pitching is hard).