Funny "one-liners" with coaches.....

[JaxRolo]

TOP of the first.

Pitcher is eveywhere but over the plate. Frustration has built up for one of the fans and after several walks he yells out "Come on Blue, you got to call 'em both ways"

I just shake my head and want to say "I will.. after we get one complete inning in!"

That's one of the more common thIngs I hear when a team is getting the $hit beat out of them.

[Jocko]

11u tourney. VT down big time. Between innings, HC passes me on his way to the dugout

HC - Man, I'll be glad when this is over

Me - Me too

[scrounge]

TOP of the first.

Pitcher is eveywhere but over the plate. Frustration has built up for one of the fans and after several walks he yells out "Come on Blue, you got to call 'em both ways"

I just shake my head and want to say "I will.. after we get one complete inning in!"

Had a similar issue in a basketball game last year. Low-level boys JV, kinda sloppy. We start the game calling 6 fouls on the visiting team. I think I called 2 or 3 of them, so it wasn't like my whistle was silent. Midway thru the 2nd qtr, the home team finally gets their first foul, a fairly routine hack on a shot. Immediately, the home coach erupts "CALL IT BOTH WAYS". I actually stopped for a second and stared incredulously at him. I thought after I should have said "we're finally starting to, coach".

[KLAH316]

Had another one Friday where a HC had to tell me that I was right on a call I made.....

 

I was PU, had a line drive to Left-Center Field.... F8 came in and made a great diving catch for the 3rd out.

HC who was 3BC had to question the call saying there was no way the kid caught it.  I told him I have a catch and that was it.  He walked away.

Next inning, he came up and said "Hey Kevin, you were right last inning, that was a catch in center".  I told him "I know, that's why I called it".

 

Love it!!

[dddunn3d]

Yelling at me after a banger at first:

 

"C'mon David, you're better than that!"

 

My reply: "No, I really am that bad, and you know it! Why else would I be assigned to your games?"

[Birdieseeker]

Yelling at me after a banger at first:

"C'mon David, you're better than that!"

My reply: "No, I really am that bad, and you know it! Why else would I be assigned to your games?"

That's hysterical!! What did the coach do or say. I'm just afraid that would go over like a fart in church

Call strikes...Pat

[KLAH316]

Last night, 12U USSSA

R1/R2... Runners stealing on the pitch.  Foul tip, catchers doesn't make a throw. 

Defensive Coach:  "That's a foul ball". 

Me:  "No, it's a tip.  Catcher caught it, Live Ball"

DC:  "But the runners have to go back"

Me:  "No they don't".

 

In between innings, DC comes to me and asks "Can I get an explanation on that rule?"

So I explain to him the foul tip, live ball, etc.  He then asks me when that rule changed?  I said, it's been like that since the "beginning of time".

Then he pulls the old  "I played ball for 20 years and never heard of it". 

I smiled and said "Trust me, it's a live ball".

 

90% of the game is played with 10% of the rules!!!

[Jglopez7]

I called a foul ball on a shot hit down left field offensive coach yells "c'mon blue that's a fair ball in Japan!"

[PonyUmpire]

This happened during a terrible LL Majors fall ball game. R1, R2, 1 out. Ground ball to F4, who throws to F5 for the force. F5, stretches, but keeps the bag. I call the out.

 

1BC : come on, he wasn't even on the bag!

 

Me: He had it Jim.

 

Between innings:

 

1BC: He was way off the bag blue, we got it on film.

 

Me: I guess I'll see it on Sports Center then.

 

1BC: touché

[blue23ll]

Legion game a long time ago, after a rather routine play, the HC on the 1b side comes out to just in front of the bench and starts ranting and raving, yelling, jumping up an down, and nobody can figure out whats going on. Everyone on the field is looking at this lunatic, I am in B so I turn and look at him...and ask, "are you talkin to me??" He looks at me and says...nevermind....

[Aging_Arbiter]

My favorite is always having that ONE HC..................

Plate conference:

HC: Mr Umpire, Where's your strike zone?

PU: For your team or theirs?

HC:   silence

[Texas Manny]

My favorite is always having that ONE HC..................

Plate conference:

HC: Mr Umpire, Where's your strike zone?

PU: For your team or theirs?

HC:   silence

Bwahahahahahahahahha!

[Jocko]

This happened Saturday

As I take my position in A for the 1st pitch of the game, 1BC says to me..

My girlfriend is getting fat.

Not knowing what to say, I just looked at him.

Yeah, she can fit in my wife's pants now.

Ya know its gonna be a good day

[Richvee]

I had the plate tonight. VT F1 is having trouble in the 1st inning getting the ball down. Everything was at least shoulder/neck high. Walks 3 of the 1st 4 batters. I hear from the VT bench, (or parents behind the bench. Couldn't tell) "those pitches are at the belt". All I could think was, "yeah, if he's wearing the belt as a headband". Thought better of actually saying it, though.  Went with "the stare" as Kevin K called it in another thread...worked like a charm. Not another peep all night. 

[KLAH316]

Last night, 11U.

1BC is a current D1 and former AAA Umpire.  Nice guy!

Lefty F1 steps toward 1B but decides not to throw it.  As I'm starting to yell balk I hear him "That's a balk!"

I give him a look and tap my chest as if to say that's my call.

 

He hollers out to me "My bad, habit!"    We got a good laugh out of it.

[mstaylor]

My favorite is always having that ONE HC..................

Plate conference:

HC: Mr Umpire, Where's your strike zone?

PU: For your team or theirs?

HC:   silence

I actually had  a coach ask me that in a tournament this summer. I was not sure what my response should. My first thought was are you    kidding me? But I thought that was not a good response. I told him it was not a topic open to discussion. He left the plate meeting and the other coach asked me, WTH is he thinking. I just grinned. 

[mstaylor]

The oddest thing I have heard a participant tell an official was in wrestling. A wrestler told an official his wife's boyfriend must have forgotten to pack his glasses. 

[CentralOhioUmp30]

TOP of the first.

Pitcher is eveywhere but over the plate. Frustration has built up for one of the fans and after several walks he yells out "Come on Blue, you got to call 'em both ways"

I just shake my head and want to say "I will.. after we get one complete inning in!"

My partner always points to the right on a called strike.  When he hears the "gotta call 'em both ways" after a strike he says, "Okay" and does the same thing to his left.  First time I saw him do that I was in tears.

 

Also, I know one guy who carries a pacifier in his ball bag to each game.  You can probably imagine what he uses it for.

 

I'm 5'10"/180...these guys are both north of 6'5"/250, so they can get away with that stuff I suppose.  Haha. 

[NAUmpires]

HC: "Where's your strike zone ?"

Me: "I dunno, around here somewhere. When I find it, you'll know, my right hand will go up like this..."

 

HC: "So, where's your strike zone ?"

Me: "I dunno. I hope I didn't leave it in the car."

 

Yes, these were in my local league at 11-12 Majors and 13s Juniors games where I'm well-known, but I don't know either of the HC very well. Wouldn't do that with someone I didn't know outside of the local league. Most of the coaches locally listen to the little 5-minute "How to talk to umpires" training class I give at the drafts, or read the Manager's Guide to the Rulebook I put together here: http://www.eteamz.com/naumpires/handouts/#2232586, so they know NOT to ask that question in the pre-game, but some guys...

[conbo61]

A few years ago I was in my third season as an umpire. I was also coaching my son's LL team. In his division teams took turns supplying umpires. Team A plays Team B and Team C supplies the plate umpire. This division also phased in stealing in order to have time to work with catchers and infielders.

I was taking my turn on the plate early in the season when one of the rules was stealing was only allowed when the catcher overthrew the pitcher.

R1 and R2 when the batter fouled a pitch into the fence along the first base line. On the return throw the catcher overthrows the pitcher and the base coaches automatically send the runners. After all of the yelling I called time and sent the runners back. AC/3B coach asks why.

"Foul ball."

"But he overthrew the pitcher."

"Foul ball is a dead ball. No one advances."

"Since when?"

I had nothing...

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

[Kevin_K]

I had the plate tonight. VT F1 is having trouble in the 1st inning getting the ball down. Everything was at least shoulder/neck high. Walks 3 of the 1st 4 batters. I hear from the VT bench, (or parents behind the bench. Couldn't tell) "those pitches are at the belt". All I could think was, "yeah, if he's wearing the belt as a headband". Thought better of actually saying it, though.  Went with "the stare" as Kevin K called it in another thread...worked like a charm. Not another peep all night. 

Some has been paying attention! 

[Platejob29]

This one came from a very good friend of mine who helped me get started and has taught me more about umpiring than anyone else ever has. 

 

This is probably 10 years ago or so and the HTHC is Randy Hales who I've talked about before on here is a legend in our area as well as much of the state. Texas High School Baseball Hall of Fame, state championships, all that good stuff. My friend is the PU and there is a wacker at the plate. PU bangs him out and starts to brush off the plate. Before he can turn around Hales is in his back pocket. Hales is talking pretty loudly and exuberantly as he usually does and says "Paul that was a hell of a call, I mean a HELL OF A CALL!!!" Hales turns around and starts walking back to his coaches box and turns over his shoulder to say "but I think you missed it." 

 

The other great one liner I have comes from a coach my brother used to play for and was playing in a tournament my dad was the UIC for. The umpires on his game are not particularly good to say the least. Ball is his to F3 who dives to block it then picks it up and stumbles on the ground. He reaches out with his throwing hand and touches the bag while the BR is still 2-3 steps away. FU safes him and the coach comes out and asks what he saw. The umpire tells him that he touched the bag with his hand so the BR was safe. The coach then says to him "I don't care if he touches it with his D!CK that's an out."

[afaber12]

... The umpire tells him that he touched the bag with his hand so the BR was safe. The coach then says to him "I don't care if he touches it with his D!CK that's an out."

Just a tip to players and coaches who might be lurking: Yes you can get an out by touching the base with any appendage including the one mentioned above - or even your head or torso - while holding the ball. However using that particular appendage would tend to be a tactically poor decision, and even if successful is likely to result in someone's ejection. Possibly an arrest too.

[Scratch Franzeo]

This last weekend, my partner called a 12/6 curve a strike. The OC thought the pitch was high and voiced his disapproval. Nanoseconds later, a fan, who shared the coaches opinion, screamed, "C'mon Blue, that pitch was higher than Jerry Garcia!"

[Kevin_K]

 

... The umpire tells him that he touched the bag with his hand so the BR was safe. The coach then says to him "I don't care if he touches it with his D!CK that's an out."

Just a tip to players and coaches who might be lurking: Yes you can get an out by touching the base with any appendage including the one mentioned above - or even your head or torso - while holding the ball. However using that particular appendage would tend to be a tactically poor decision, and even if successful is likely to result in someone's ejection. Possibly an arrest too.

 

 

And if you think it hurts when someone steps on your foot with a spike......