Thick Skin

[gymcoch]

So this question is a bit outside the box (pun intended) from the usual ones.

First year umping, and I have asked several technical questions here. But here's a personal one:

I feel as though I have had a great half a season. I know the rule book very well. I have good mechanics. Yeah, I have probably missed a couple of close calls. I think I have a good strike zone. My problem is with 2 Little League coaches in particular who, during more than one game, will either dance around frantically with their hands over their head or make comments aloud like "come on" or "are you kidding me?" I have never warned either for this, as I feel like it wasn't a personal attack and it within the league that I am the UIC for.

But these actions just piss me off to the point that I dont want to do their games anymore (or I want to choke them). Is this my fault for letting it get to me; will I develop thicker skin the more I ump?

Thanks in advance.

 

[blue23ll]

Of course it's your fault for letting it get to you, who else would be at fault? Coaches sometimes lose their faculties in tense situations, we need to keep our wits about us at all times. If they want to dance around frantically looking like a lunatic, that's their choice. Sometimes things just come out of their mouths, which are not directed at you particularly, so you should just ignore these random statements. 

You are in your first half season of umpiring. Its good that you know the rules, and its good you are using good mechanics. Keep learning and getting better. You will learn what comments to pay attention to and which ones to ignore. One of the most important things we learn is that we don't have to react to everything we hear or see, unless it is directed at us. 

[ElkOil]

I'm in my first year, too, and I've always been pretty good at not letting things get to me, but umpiring takes those skills to a new level because I know I have a lot to learn and I'm willing to believe I make mistakes.  So when I get the "No way!" or "You're kidding me!" comments, I use it to do some self-analysis and solicit input from my partner.  The bottom line is this: unless you're pooching obvious calls, someone is always going to be mad and someone else always happy on a close call.  Baseball is a passionate endeavor, and especially when the stakes are high, people are going to get on your back.  It's okay.  It's part of the game.  It's one of the awesome things about baseball.  Because from the moment the first umpire ever stepped foot on a baseball diamond, people have been getting mad at them.

It just feels funny because we're new.  But it's no different than anything else you've ever seen in a game.  Congratulations on being part of it now!

[grayhawk]

Ignore, Acknowledge, Warn, Eject

You do NOT have to put up with this crap. If you don't train them, then who will?

[maven]

Coaches dancing around after a call are showing you up, which is disrespectful and personal. Like grayhawk, I follow the IAWE school, but I don't ignore stuff like this for long. The howler monkeys start to pick it up, which disrupts the flow of the game: knock one off his perch, and the others clam up.

[elares]

If this is Little League, you have "inciting", "unsportsmanlike", and "arguing judgment calls" to work into your ejection report....

Ignore

Acknowledge - Death stare

Warn - I like this "Stop this behavior or you will have ejected yourself from this game" 

Eject - calm, matter of fact.  Ejections are part of baseball...why are you denying the participants the Full Baseball Experience?

 

Edited June 1, 2015 by elares
my own stupidity

[LMSANS]

If this is Little League, you have "inciting", "unsportsmanlike", and "arguing judgment calls" to work into your ejection report....

Ignore

Acknowledge - Death stare

Warn - I like this "Stop this behavior or you will have ejected yourself from this game" "That's enough!"

Eject - calm, matter of fact.  Ejections are part of baseball...why are you denying the participants the Full Baseball Experience?

 

​One small adjustment...

[noumpere]

​One small adjustment...

​Agreed.  Or, "knock it off."

 

If you can an opportunity later, in a more calm moment (and I am not saying to "create" an opportunity) you can have a longer (more than 5-words) one way discussion with the coach.  Something along the lines of "I understand your emotions on a close play like that, but I cannot have you react as you did."

[bluejerred]

I have been in your boat.  For what it's worth:

Read "Verbal Judo" - You can get it online through Amazon or Kindle on any electronic device and of course in hard copy.  This book is to communication as "Maximizing the 2-Umpire System" is to mechanics.  A must have and an absolutely great read!  It will change your life!  

When conflict arises, fight or flight mechanisms kick in and they can easily get the best of you if you don't have the knowledge and training to deal with these types of situations. That's why most umpires when they start out are doormats or red-asses.  This has nothing to do with you personally or even your "personality", it's just hardwired into your brain.  "Verbal Judo" shows you how to think, manage yourself, and effectively communicate with people who are being controlled by their emotions instead of logic.  As you read the book, think through past situations, and think about how you would have approached these situations differently if you had your newly acquired knowledge.  This has been a tremendous resource for me in my personal and umpiring life. 

[catsbackr]

Ignore, Acknowledge, Warn, Eject

You do NOT have to put up with this crap. If you don't train them, then who will?

​And sometimes this all happens together.

[BillKen]

There is so much knowledge on this board!  

All the advice above is right on.  You do need thick skin, but you also need to deal with bad behavior by adults.  All across the world, every season in LL and DB, thousands of ex-jocks become part-time unpaid volunteer coaches of children.  They only know what they know from their experience and most of them know very little about how to work with umpires.  Grayhawk is right...you get to train them and IAWE is a great training tool...especially when your report follows that and they read it and see that you allowed them 4 chances.  Don't have rabbit ears...don't chase them...and remember the three P's.  Your skin is probably thick enough!

[JHSump]

When you are first starting out it is common to think you need to accept these behaviors as "part of baseball" and to think that "it is your fault" when you are not totally accepting. Yes, these behaviors are part of baseball, and yes, how you react is up to you. But, there are limits to what you should accept. As has been said, Ignore, Acknowledge, Warn, Eject. And, all 4 may occur at once if the behavior is egregious enough (it sounds like these behaviors are not egregious enough).

Don't be a doormat. Don't be a red-ass. Finding the right balance is a matter of experience. As in Verbal Judo, think of working the games with these coaches as learning experiences or challenges. At the next such game, try the Ignore and Acknowledge (stare). If that works (stops the actions), fine. If not, advance it to Warn. That may work fine for that day. Practice your exact warning before the game (the suggestions above are great). Don't walk over to the coach. Don't call him out to you. Just calmly warn him from your position. Keep you mask on if you are PU. Don't escalate it. Let him do so, if he chooses. Say things calmly. Of course, if he proceeds to berate you after the warning, give him the ejection he wants. But be calm and don't use a large ejection mechanic. Let him be the aggressor and appear to be over the top. Practice the ejection in advance.

It is very likely he will be surprised you ejected him, if you do so. Don't talk with after that. Ask the remaining assistants who is the next HC. The assistants will probably look very humbled, especially if you made all this look calm on your part and the HC was the aggressor. If the ejected HC is still hanging around (e.g., behind the fence), calmly tell the new HC that the ejected HC needs to leave the field. It is common for an inexperienced HC to hang around, until they find out what that the ejection means they have to leave. Let the new HC handle it, and don't restart play until he does.

If you end up going all the way with an ejection, and you were calm and business-like, you may find that the ejected HC acts more respectfully the next time you have him. That has been the case in my experience. Don't bring it up with him at any other game; don't entertain any other discussion of the ejection in the future. Every new game is a fresh start for him, and you.