Things I Learned....

[Jeapugrad]

On this subject, I LOVE the so called "I'm the crew chief today" guys. I had some joker tell me last week he was the crew chief because he has been umpiring for 27 years, 17 as a slow pitch softball umpire and the other ten as a baseball umpire. I told him maybe when he works his first high school game, then, and only then, can he hold my jockstrap (figuratively). Hell, I've been in the association five years longer so he doesn't even have that on me. Take your crew chief mantra and shove it up your...

[Jeapugrad]

Here's a few: - Instead of having evaluations, just use coach feedback when making assignments. This is the best way to get an impartial assessment of umpire performance. (As you all can tell, I'm a really big fan of my assigner)

In my association, only the guys who are on the Board work the upper echelon of games the association has. The Board is comprised of mostly hand picked members and only three spots are voted on every two years. A current Board member will nominate a member and no one has the balls to nominate anyone else so they get elected without an opponent. I ran last year, my schedule has suffered, and I'm being sent to the furthest fields we work for club baseball. It's sad. It's like high school all over again. Granted the highest regular work the assoc has is varsity but they also bid on college showcase tourneys. I have worked games at a much higher level and I've been told I should be thankful I get games on a 90' diamond. It's a complete effing joke. I closed out Arbiter for the most part and I'm being asked to work Memorial Day weekend. Please open up your blocks. We have a full slate. TFS.

[tldavis19]

1. It is perfectly acceptable to throw your mask down in the grass between the mound and HP.

2. Furthermore, it is acceptable to pick it up with your foot like most guys do when picking up their underwear from the bathroom floor.

3. Hat annoys you? Never wear one. Ever.

4. When corrected, wear the aforementioned hat backwards. Always.

5. Its perfectly acceptable to call the previous runner back because you "made a bad call and should've been safe."

6. Apologize to the team and player profusely for the rest of the game

7. A foul is only a strike if it tips back through the strike zone.

8. Make out with your girlfriend between innings through the netting behind HP. In broad daylight. With tongue.

9. Participate in the "Gangnam Style" dance while it plays over the loudspeaker and laugh with the players and say "it's a great song!"

10. Finally, any fly ball that passes over the outfield fence is a homerun regardless of the fact it was foul.

[Aging_Arbiter]

The best one I learned was during a state tournament where our LF line umpire walked to the fence (adjacent to the concession stand) and had someone get him an ice cream cone between innings.  Afterall, it WAS hot out.

[Stan W.]

Ok much to my chagrin,.....here are mine...all from one guy in one game....

 

• Show up early so you can be on field to talk to the coaches during warm-ups.
• Finally come to the car to finish dressing too late to do pregame
• Be in your cleanest dirty uniform
• refuse any hints to use my shoe cleaner
• wear the most disreputable hat you have
• waste what little time we have discussing all 32 years of your career
• make sure I know multple times that you are the best umpire the assoc has...
• have a good 10 minute plate meeting so we get started late...
• face the pitcher to sweep off the plate.......
• annouce the game - top of the first!.. gametime 6;10 PM!
• loudly call all swinging strikes
• never move from behind the plate
• signal foul tip on all foul balls.
• yell foul- heads up! on all foul balls over the backstop..
• remember after you agree to work the Vee, to scream I got a catch on all fly balls regardless...
• announce the game- bottom 3! score 6-5
• change the strike zone every inning...it keeps them swinging- (actual quote)
• when I went to him for any input on a pulled foot at first, loudy overrule me and annouce it to the crowd.....I saw the foot!, batters out!
• invent a new plate stance after 3 innings because you are tired....
• hang around after the game is over to apolgize to the HC that I- "his partner"...... "missed" the pulled foot
• make sure you shake each coaches hand...."leave em happy"
• make sure you walk thru crowd to the concession stand for payment- rather than the outfield fence "gives the fans a chance to say good job blue"
• make sure you get a free coke
• mke sure I know how good he did 

I only have one....

• make sure i dont work with him again...

[KLAH316]

I forgot to add two to my list:

 

In pregame, my partner says : "I don't call balks.  I don't understand them so I never do it" 

Same partner:   Refuse to ever work the plate because they have NEVER WORKED THE PLATE!!! 

 

Fun times!

[JHSump]

8. Make out with your girlfriend between innings through the netting behind HP. In broad daylight. With tongue.

 

Wait, what?  This one tops the charts!

 

Ah, youth.  ...It was a young guy, right??

[tldavis19]

I think he said he was 27. I'll never forget it. They're married now though.

[Daniel]

8. Make out with your girlfriend between innings through the netting behind HP. In broad daylight. With tongue.

Acceptable if she's a hot one. ;)

[James Walker]

- Call a fielders balk because the F3 has his foot in foul territory.

- When shown the rule to contridict you're thought process, say, " well, I'm still gonna call it. It's only fair.".

- Call time EVERY time there's a pickoff, even if the ball is still rolling to the outfield.

And he wonders why no one wants to work with him and his schedule consists mostly of t-ball.

[mstaylor]

Also have the PU call the runner out from the plate for not sliding at second. First, not the rule, second the ball was thrown to cutoff.

Sent from my C771 using Tapatalk 2

[kwiggie]

 

• change the strike zone every inning...it keeps them swinging- (actual quote)
•  

OMG... BRILLIANT!!! 

[Frankiesurf]

Wearing the. Chest protector and shin guards outside of of the clothes is the new in thing. As well as ratty white Nike's behind the plate.

Throwing your mask in the dirt on every single play is fine.Mostly because you aren't wearing a hat, presumably because your messy jewfro needs to breathe.

Infield fly rule is now invoked with no runners on and also with two outs.

Every play is a rotation (2 man) even with nobody on.

[JaxRolo]

How weird.

I scrolled up a couple of posts and saw a Mike Taylor post!

[KLAH316]

How weird.

I scrolled up a couple of posts and saw a Mike Taylor post!

Yup.... I noticed that too!

 

I love when a new member revives an old thread, I just re-read through this whole topic and got a kick out of most of them!!

[lawump]

1.  Tell a coach during an argument about a play at first base, "it was close, but tie goes to the runner."

2.  In a two man crew, as base umpire with R2, stand in "B" facing THIRD base.

3.  Go to the mound after every substitute pitcher has completed his warm-up tosses and tell the new F1 the count and runners' location.

4.  When starting in "C", never, ever, move to the other side of the working area to see a force play at first base.  Always stay still in "C".

5.  As PU, EVERY time the ball is batted in play, start drifting up the third base line.  After all, 15-feet up the third base line toward third base is the best place to see a play at the plate.

6.  Eject a player for saying "damn" in frustration at himself after making a throwing error (no swearing on the field!), but don't eject a batter who throws his bat from the batter's box to the dugout after being called out on strikes.

7.  Wear white socks.

8.  Wear white T-shirt under navy or polo blue top.

9.  Always set up on the same corner of the plate...no matter if it is a left-handed batter or a right-handed batter.

 

AND #10 (best for last)

 

10.  Before your college game, walk in the home team dugout and say, "how the f&ck is everyone doing."  When asked by the head coach (a devout Christian who has NEVER been ejected in 20+ years and is loved by all umpires) to please not swear in the dugout, you respond by saying "what the f&ck is your problem?"  Causing said coach to say, "here is my line-up card.  Now eject me because I'm going to call the conference commissioner." (BTW, when the coach retired from coaching, he became a high school umpire)

[Pete Peterson Sr]

 

 

AND #10 (best for last)

 

10.  Before your college game, walk in the home team dugout and say, "how the f&ck is everyone doing."  When asked by the head coach (a devout Christian who has NEVER been ejected in 20+ years and is loved by all umpires) to please not swear in the dugout, you respond by saying "what the f&ck is your problem?"  Causing said coach to say, "here is my line-up card.  Now eject me because I'm going to call the conference commissioner." (BTW, when the coach retired from coaching, he became a high school umpire)

 

Wow. Just f&cking wow.

[FleasOf1000Camels]

Don't forget to leave a cooler of beverages inside the playing field throughout the game.  Really what are the odds that it might interfere with a ball in play? 

 

Make sure you check your cell phone 2-3 times every inning, and make a special point to spend the time between innings texting...it makes people think you must be VERY important.

 

On an uncaught third strike with first base occupied, be sure to remind the catcher he doesn't need to throw.  It's not fair to assume the catcher understands what you meant when you simply call the batter OUT.

 

Never, EVER make eye contact with your partner.  He's probably an idiot, and those signals he's giving you are just meant to confuse.

 

Be sure you're still moving when you make calls on the bases.  It makes people think you're really hustling. 

 

Above all, don't allow yourself to be restrained by the rules.  If you think a rule is silly, unfair or wrong, just do what you think is fair.  You can always fall back on good ol' 9.01c, and if they don't like it; toss them like a Caesar salad.

[FleasOf1000Camels]

I forgot these...

 

Be sure to scope out the field right away to find a good spot where you can sneak off between innings to grab a cigarette.

 

Always were your ball-bag while working the bases.  It's a great place to hold a water bottle, phone, sunflower seeds, etc.

 

In "A" position NEVER allow your partner's asking for help on a check swing to interfere with your friendly banter with the base coach.

 

Make sure to keep a close eye on the game(s) on the other fields.  You NEVER know when your expert opinion may be needed over there.

 

White socks make the perfect contrasting fashion statement with grey slacks and black shoes.

 

Don't worry, nobody can smell that alcohol on your breath.

 

Belts are over-rated.

[KLAH316]

Don't forget to leave a cooler of beverages inside the playing field throughout the game.  Really what are the odds that it might interfere with a ball in play? 

I've got to disagree with you on this one.....

Come to AZ, EVERYONE brings their coolers on the field with them..... If you don't, you'll go down by the 3rd inning!

[JaxRolo]

Don't forget to leave a cooler of beverages inside the playing field throughout the game. Really what are the odds that it might interfere with a ball in play?

I've got to disagree with you on this one.....

Come to AZ, EVERYONE brings their coolers on the field with them..... If you don't, you'll go down by the 3rd inning!

I agree. For weekend tournaments I will have a cooler. My health and safety trump the idea of no coolers on the field.

[Majordave]

I think he's talking about setting your coolers where they can interfere with play. I set mine in the edge/corner of the dugout or just outside the fence.

[FleasOf1000Camels]

Bingo!  Majordave nailed it.

 

I don't care how hot it is in whatever part of the country you're in...coolers don't belong inside the field of play.

 

If you were a football official would you leave a cooler inside the white lines?  Heck no, you'd never even consider it.

Inside the corner of the dugout, or just outside the fence, certainly those extra few steps are not going to lead to dehydration.

[grayhawk]

I don't bring anything (cooler, water bottle, etc) inside the field during the regular season.  Summer/Fall ball?  I park a mini cooler at the corner of where the backstop meets the fence on the 1B or 3B side (depending on if there is a shadow).  Never had a problem, never had anyone complain.  In games with no lineup cards, everything is more relaxed.

[Jimurray]

Give the coach a choice on a balk when ball is put into play. The rule is too hard to understand.