First EJ/Rough Game/I Want to Quit

[nicshow]

Coach was debating balls and strikes from the dugout which I tolerated without addressing for quite a while. Inning ended on a back door curve ball that was clearly a strike. 1st base coach came to me as he was returning to dugout and said "You have to fix something." I asked him to repeat it which he did and I told him that was enough. He continued on to dugout where head coach was, in similar ways, questioning that pitch and my strike zone in general. I warned him by saying "that's enough coach, I've heard enough" and pointed my palm in his direction. He replied "really, is that enough, you've heard enough?" Again I said "that's enough coach." He made one more comment in response (which I do not now remember but I do know that it was directed at me) and I told him he was gone.

It just went downhill from there. The crowds on both side were uttering their stupid comments "that was a strike against us last inning" and other general, inane comments. I finally heard a "you're a dumbass." I called time and turned around and told the crowd that if they continued they were putting their team in jeopardy and I warned the coach if they didn't settle down, he would be restricted. He immediately told them to be quiet.

Then, something happened (a passed ball I believe)and I second-guessed whether I clicked my indicator so I asked my partner for the count. 2-1. 2 more balls and the batter just stood there and told him that was 4 and people went nuts. I met with my partner and the coach and expected that my partner would say that he had the same count but he just hung me out to dry.

I'm not sure it's worth the $50.

Any advice, critique, suggestions?

 

Nic

[BuckeyeMike]

This is a bad day for sure.......almost as bad as it gets.  We've ALL had them.....typically when we're just first starting out, like it sounds like you are. 

PLEASE PLEASE give it a few more shots man.  The more experiences you have, the more you learn the rules, the more you read about how to handle situations here, the more you get your mind right, the more you do games.........it gets to be GREAT, GREAT FUN.   I promise.  

That's not to say everyone is cut out for this......they're not, or we'd have a surplus of umpires, which we do not.  The fact is, you just signing up, strapping on the gear, and willing to put yourself out there is a major accomplishment.  Now follow through and commit for 1 full season.

From reading your OP, you have some things to work on, but didn't we all when we started?!    Take all the feedback about to follow, and make a concerted effort to get better.  

The better YOU get, the better the GAMES GET!

[conbo61]

Don't get discouraged.  Like Mike said, we have ALL been there.

To that end:

Never ask a coach to repeat what you perceive as a criticism.  You are just baiting him.

Were both dugouts chirping about your zone? If so, honestly assess yourself and bear down. (Your focus needs more focus).

Avoid reacting to comments from the other side of the fence.  From what you are describing, they were TRYING to knock you off of your game.  They succeeded.  The ability to block that out and focus on the task at hand is one of, if not THE, hardest aspects of this vocation.

Avoid that partner at all costs going forward.  If he can't help you out with a count, he certainly will hang you out on something that may have more impact on a game.  You two are your only friends out there.  Unfortunately, it sounds like you were on your own.

Don't give it up.  Keep moving forward, forget your last bad game and focus on what is happening that day.  Can't change what is behind you.  If you TRULY love this game, you will find this to be an amazingly rewarding hobby.

"I don't do it for the money, but I won't do it for nothing" - Big Umpire.

[Welpe]

Nic, first of all, I commend you for coming here for feedback and sharing what you went through. It certainly sounds like a rough night at the office. We ALL have them from time to time. It goes with the territory. The fact that not only are you willing to strap it on and go out there, but reflect back on your games critically, says a lot about you already.

Second, I want to commend you for actually having the wherewithal to dump the coach. 

What level of game was this? Did you have a pre and post game with your partner?

I'm sure you will get several pieces of advice so I will touch on this:

Coach was debating balls and strikes from the dugout which I tolerated without addressing for quite a while.

​This is where you could've headed off problems at the pass. Don't allow them to continue to complain about balls and strikes. They're going to get into your head and it will snowball from there.

If they are chirping you, take it through a progression:

1. Ignore the first comment if it is not egregious, if it is, skip this step.

2. Acknowledge the coach you hear him. "John, I hear you" or "John, we're not discussing balls and strikes." or something similar. Sometimes I'll "burn the dugout" and stare into there without staying anything to let them know they are heard.

3. If he's still persisting chirping, it's time to firm up with a warning. "That's enough." or some variation. He is put on notice. Say it firmly and with conviction. Don't leave a doubt in his mind what will happen next.

4. Restrict/eject. This should not be a surprise to him at this point. He's crossed a well defined line.

This progression helps keep the chirping down and gives you a guideline to follow in dealing with it. But it is only a guideline. More egregious comments need to be dealt with differently.

I'm not sure how long you've been calling but it takes time to develop game management skills. It isn't done overnight. I had to make mistakes and learn from the veterans in how to deal with coaches that will take advantage of those that don't hold their ground. This is something I"m always looking to improve.

I encourage you to stick with it and take this game as a learning tool. Write it all down as you've done here. Make a list of what you'd like to do better next time and go from there.

Good luck to you.

Edited May 8, 2015 by Welpe

[Majordave]

Don't quit. If you quit "they" win. You know what to do. You just want to try to be the nice guy. Remember what Leo Durocher said about nice guys. You gotta take care of your business Nic. Sooner than later.

Your EJ was good. Maybe a bit late if the chirping went on several innings but you got it. 

Remember, If you ignore it more than once it only gets worse. You HAVE to address it somehow the second time it occurs from same person or dugout. 

Here's what I've been doing lately. Started as a joke but it's now my technique. When a defensive coach starts chirping about where the pitch was I start a conversation with F2. "Your coach is trying to watch a game from the second worst place he can watch a game."  "want to know the worst?"  F2 say "where's that?"  I say "The parking lot. Try to watch a game from there."  "Now, make sure you tell your coach that joke and that I told you to tell it to him."  Never had to eject or warn a defensive coach since then. With offensive coaches I'll just put up the stop sign/palm the first time they chirp. Second time I warn. "That's enough". No explanation and no conversation. Third time I eject. 

You HAVE to do this or you a disservice to yourself and every other umpire who works a game with that coach after you. Make sense?

I think I took too much SH*# from coaches most of my first season. (I'm a glutton for punishment though as I left Legion coaching and jumped right into HS Varsity and JV umpiring in my first season as an umpire. NOT the best method to try I assure you.) 

I endured and caused lots of unhappiness that first season while learning. Thus I took a lot of SH*# that first school season. Then, I popped my first EJ in summer travel ball of year one and went on an ejection tear dumping almost anyone who questioned me for a while. Then things settled down. I Reflected. Read forums. Wrote on forums. Asked questions of senior umpires. At that point ALL of my partners were more experienced than me so when I asked I got plenty of advice. I am still learning and even with about 3,500 +/- games of experience I still have to find a new way to handle a situation every now and then. Multi will too. we all do.

So, thanks for sharing. Keep working. Keep learning and asking questions. 

Best of luck Nic. We've all been there buddy.  

[ElkOil]

Nic, I can only support what everyone has already said.  What you went through is not new -- it's just new to you.  I'm in my first year and have a mere 52 games under my belt.  I'm doing well, but not well enough to suit some players and coaches.  Some (most, now) games go very smooth.  A few don't and I'm ridden like a rented mule, particularly from the men's league players.  I will say that even though they may be harsh criticisms, they aren't necessarily wrong, so I have to get introspective and learn what I can from each situation.  It's normal to spend your formative games learning your mechanics, which means your game management skills won't develop until later.  

Umpiring isn't for everyone, and maybe it isn't for you, but I think it's too soon to tell.  I had the worst game of my young career this past Sunday.  And believe me, it was bad.  This evening, I had another game with the same team that hated my guts from that previous game.  But I killed it tonight.  They thanked me and told me how well they thought I did.  So you can turn it around if you have the focus and desire.

You can let others dictate whether or not you continue to ump, but do you really want your fate to be in other peoples' hands?  Ride it out and continue to solicit input and feedback.  Go to some clinics.  Try to get a mentor.  You just might turn it all around and start loving it.  But if you don't think it's for you, at least you're making that decision fully informed and on your own terms.

[Tksjewelry]

Don't quit. Every once in a while you're going to have these idiots no matter how much experience you have. 

Here's some things I'll add to the great advice above:

Assistant coaches are to be seen and not heard. In youth ball, it's in my plate meeting. "Head coaches only on the field. If assistants have a question, they must go to you and you can talk to us." Plate meetings in youth ball aren't going to be as simple or short as they are in HS or College. Daddy coaches don't understand the decorum nor do they have the same consequences as paid and trained coaches do for breaking decorum. My plate meeting has morphed a few times as I've heard senior umpires do theirs or they've said to leave things out of mine. I've added things and taken away things but always kept it shortish and direct. Also, memorize the plate meeting speel, when you go to the plate role it out of your mouth like you've said it 10,000 times. Make sure it's said sharp, quick, and matter of factly. "Um's" aren't authoritative, commanding, or knowledgeable. 

​Don't allow the bucket brigades. Make them stay in the dugout. Especially if you ever do one man games. Bucket brigades breed problems. 

​Never get with your partner and a coach. Always pull your partner in, talk where you can't be heard, make a decision and then inform the coach. Letting the coaches in on those conversations can lead to discrediting you further into the game. 

​If a game is deteriorating, many times (I've been guilty of this) your calls get less crisp, loud, and direct. Start crisp, loud, and direct and stay that way. It keeps the authoritive judgement perception in your corner. 

​Don't allow sideline calls from the coaches. "balk", "got him", "safe" or whatever. When you hear these. Go talk to the head coach. Explain to him that it's confusing the kids. They have to be listening for the call from the umpire. The kids can't listen to you, the umpire, if the coaches are shouting over you. Coaching is fine, but sideline making calls isn't.

Ignore the fans and leave the rabbit ears at home. Never engage them. You have to find that ignore switch in your head. If they start affecting the players on the field, then go to the head coach and tell him they are his responsibility. If he can't get them to stop affecting the game, then he pays the consequences. Coaches don't generally want to get tossed because little Jimmy's mom is out of hand. 

​If you don't have to fill out ejection reports, then keep an umpires journal. Write down how things went down and what caused a dumping of a coach. Sometimes the dumped coach will go to his associations director who will then email or call your UIC pissing and moaning that UIC's crappy umpire dumped his fabulous innocent daddy coach for no reason. Having the facts handy gives you all the credibility. I've seen a few daddy coaches booted out of associations for lying and loosing credibility with directors. 

​My first year was full of chirpy coaches (who were often right on how much I sucked), crappy ball, horrible fans, and I ate a lot of sh*t sandwiches. My first year I wasn't allowed to dump coaches unless they got really really bad. It was a part of learning game management, pushing me to learn rules, and seeing if I had the stones to stick it out. I learned so much my first year and it pushed me in the off season (and even now) to learn where I could be better. My first year was a real humbling experience. A lot of guys won't agree with that process, but it worked on me. Now, 50 games into my second year, I've had no issues that I couldn't shut down, but even they are few and far between. 

[BillKen]

Based on your profile pic, I'm going to just presume that you aren't some 25 year old from the entitled generation whose parents have swooped in from the helicopter perch above and saved the day every time the cookie didn't crumble with you getting the bigger half!  You appear to be old enough to have been through a few of life's hard knocks!   

So you know the deal...the guys commenting above me are right because we have all been in your shoes!  You rode the horse, you got bucked off and it hurt.  Now you have a decision to make...quit or ride again.  Unless you are physically hurt-RIDE AGAIN!  Not for us or the avocation, or even the players...you get back in there for you.  If you quit now, you'll regret it your whole life.  You'll know that "they" got the best of you and won.  You aren't on an island by yourself without any rescue boats on the way...you are at a bus stop and it's a little dark in a scary part of town.  That bus is gonna come and pick you up and take you to a better spot...probably soon!  And on that bus is a bunch of great guys like the ones who commented above that will all pick you up, kick you in the pants for messing up, then encourage you right on out to your next game full of confidence.  You got this!  You've lived through adversity before...and if you haven't...then it's high time!  

"Don't give up...Don't Ever Give Up." -Jim Valvano

[Thunderheads]

Nic,

See above!  it's all been said.  It happens .....your next game will be great!

Stick with us!

[ricka56]

Coach was debating balls and strikes from the dugout which I tolerated without addressing for quite a while mistake #1 ignore, acknowledge, warn, eject. Inning ended on a back door curve ball that was clearly a strike. 1st base coach came to me as he was returning to dugout and said "You have to fix something." I asked him to repeat it mistake #2 "knock it off" might have been a better reply. which he did and I told him that was enough. He continued on to dugout where head coach was, in similar ways, questioning that pitch and my strike zone in general. I warned him by saying "that's enough coach, I've heard enough" and pointed my palm in his direction. He replied "really, is that enough, you've heard enough?" I think he is mocking your lack of addressing  this issue previously Again I said "that's enough coach." three "enough after letting the chirping go on too long before addressing was another mistake.  He made one more comment in response (which I do not now remember but I do know that it was directed at me) and I told him he was gone. Better late than never, I guess, but it shouldn't have gone down this way.

It just went downhill from there. This is typical when coaches lose confidence in the umpire crew. The crowds on both side were uttering their stupid comments "that was a strike against us last inning" and other general, inane comments. I finally heard a "you're a dumbass." usually the stupid comments aren't said loud enough for you to hear, bur since things were out of hand, they have the "courage" to say crap that they shouldn't say out loud.  I called time and turned around and told the crowd that if they continued they were putting their team in jeopardy (in jeopardy of what ? forfeit is not usually an option...discontinuing a game until order is restored is the only option, IMO.) and I warned the coach if they didn't settle down, he would be restricted. I would leave the crowd control to the coach, that said, if they are getting out of hand (as was a case), I would insist on the coach getting after them.  He immediately told them to be quiet. Finally, an adult response.

Then, something happened (a passed ball I believe)and I second-guessed whether I clicked my indicator a typical new umpire mistake...on a steal or pass ball, I consciously roll my indicator (it takes practice and a conscious effort)  so I asked my partner for the count. 2-1. 2 more balls and the batter just stood there and told him that was 4 and people went nuts. I met with my partner and the coach and expected that my partner would say that he had the same count but he just hung me out to dry. I guess the real mistake #1 was walking on the field with this spineless prick...but you didn't have much say in that

I'm not sure it's worth the $50.

Any advice, critique, suggestions?

 

Nic

​Others have said it, but sometimes learning has to be hard on you. The good news is that all of the mistakes are correctable and going through this process will make you a better umpire. My advice is to pre-plan some game management responses to bad behavior. You hear some chirping that you initially ignore. That is the right thing to do, but now you should plan your next move if he steps out of line again. This way, you won't be searching for a response when the pressure from an irrational coach hits again...you'll know what to say/do.

[conbo61]

I will add one last thing.  Try to find a suitable mentor.  Not someone like the jackwagon you were partnered with that night.  

A good mentor can be the difference between a long and fulfilling career and a pre-mature lisiting of umpire gear for sale on this forum.

[JHSump]

​Others have said it, but sometimes learning has to be hard on you. The good news is that all of the mistakes are correctable and going through this process will make you a better umpire. My advice is to pre-plan some game management responses to bad behavior. You hear some chirping that you initially ignored. That was the right thing to do, but now you should plan your next move if he steps out of line again. This way, you won't be searching for a response when the pressure of an irate coach hits again...you'll know what to say/do.

That bit of advice (pre-plan responses) is truly very important.​ Practice your responses like you probably practice your mechanics! That bit of advice alone will get you through a great deal of potential trouble and boost your confidence.

[maineump]

That is all good advice above. We have all bad games, but don't use those as an excuse to beat yourself up - use them as learning tools. Generally bad games like this aren't caused by your calls, but by game management or lack of it. If you learn from this and do it better next time, you win!

Each time you move up a level, you will get 'tested' by the coaches and/or players. Stay true to yourself and use your past learning experiences to deal with it. You will have games that you just say - why did I get myself into this or why did I move to this level? We have all done this. Talk to someone that you trust that is preferably working a higher level than you, and learn from him. They have made the mistakes, so learn from his mistakes and yours - things do get better. Someday, there will be others looking up to you for these answers.

Edited May 8, 2015 by maineump

[BigUmpire]

Bumper stickers:

    "Eject early to eject less"-Jeapugrad

·"You will only regret the ejection you missed"-.mstaylor   

  "My last coach ejection was several years ago but I don't have to because they know I will"-mstaylor

·      “Keep running the malcontents until you have only happy, well behaved people around you.”-Bigumpire

·     “ If you have 100 monkeys misbehaving, KILL ONE, watch the rest of them straighten up”- Bigumpire

 

[ScubaUmp]

DON'T QUIT!

Ignore, Acknowledge, Coach, (use his name if its the Manager, for the ASSistants,... COACH!) We are not discussing judgement calls. Warn, don't be vague. "Nic This is your warning". Restrict/ or Eject. 

Balls and Strikes EJECT! Stop this early.

 

My EJ report would read like this , In the bottom of the 5th Nic the home team Manger was ejected for Unsportsmanlike conduct and disregarding the instruction of the official. After a warning that there would be no further discussions of judgment calls ( specifically balls and strikes) Nic continued his unsportsmanlike like display and was ejected.

[blue23ll]

One of my very first shaving age games, I ejected 8, yes 8 people. It is a long and not very pleasant story, and it involved cops and the people in the stands. So, to say that I learned by fire is an understatement. Game management is probably the hardest thing to learn, and it doesn't happen for many games. And yes, I thought that maybe umpiring wasn't something for me. That was 25 yrs ago. 

All of the advice given so far is sound, listen to it. I will echo a couple of them. Find a trusted adviser and mentor. Work a lot of games with this person and heed their advice. Get some professional training. Local league/association training can be hit and miss. Very few coaches give unbiased feedback, they are either trying to get into your head or work you for their next game. If you find a coach after years of working around them who seems sincere and you trust, then listen to their feedback. Like I said, those are extremely rare. 

Once you hear and react to what spectators are yelling, you have lost control of the game, probably never to be regained that day. It cannot be stated enough, nothing, absolutely nothing good can come from engaging the spectators. Keep things inside the fence no matter how bad you think it is, take the matter to the HC, he can handle it or be gone. 

[ElkOil]

Keep things inside the fence no matter how bad you think it is, take the matter to the HC, he can handle it or be gone. 

​I broke this rule once when I got a face full of a fastball because the catcher was too slow with his glove.  A father in the stands said, "Geez, you okay, Blue?"  I gave him a quick thumbs up.  

When they're riding you, though, ignore them.  You've got to keep the people who give you input to a minimum, thus the advice to only interact with the head coaches.  Everyone else is noise.

Edited May 8, 2015 by ElkOil

[Sut'n Blue]

 

Don't quit man. You're needed. We need you.

FWIW most of my postmortems - which I do after every game and especially after I had a rough time or made a bad call - come down to what I call the zipper effect. In other words, something went wrong and that one thing led to more bad things happening. An example: the other day I was working a 9th grade prep school varsity game with two very good teams. Top of the 7th, HT ahead by three, one out and a runner on 2nd. I was woking alone and had had a good game, my zone had been really good and then.......  I called strike two on a close inside pitch that should have been a ball. It wasn't a horrible call but it was a miss and I heard a few quiet "oooohs" from the dugout but nothing bad (in fact, it was the very first time all game I heard any noise about a ball or strike). I was still beating myself up mentally when the next pitch came in and that's when it happened - I rang the kid up on a pitch at his chin - quite likely the worst call I have made in years - maybe ever. I heard a lot of comments but ignored them without incident and the next batter popped out to end the game. I left the field feeling like I had been kicked in the stomach and felt like crying for what I did to that kid. 

On the drive home I was sipping a beer (I know, but I really needed a cold one) and forced myself to figure out WTF I did wrong. It came down to the fact that I let a slightly bad call interfere with my focus and that led to a major F-up (the zipper effect). At that moment I didn't ever want to walk on a ball field again but I will because I will force myself to learn something from my mistake so I can believe that I will be better the next time.  

So what exactly did I learn? I learned to let the bad things go during a game go as you can't dwell on them and keep your focus - in other words, don't flirt with the zipper effect - do whatever it takes to clear your head and move on. Think about great quarterbacks like Brett Favre. Favre threw a ton of picks but would come right back in and start slinging like it never happened. Easier said than done of course but like all skills it can be enhanced with practice.

 

 

 

 

[Specks]

@‌nicshow you've gotten some real good advice here from people, and @welpe gave a good process for how to handle situations but I want to point out something @‌Majordave said.  "I'll just put up the stop sign/palm the first time they chirp. Second time I warn. "That's enough". No explanation and no conversation. Third time I eject". If they're whinning from the dugout you owe them nothing, none of the niceties that comes with them approaching you. Was this HS ball?

 

[nicshow]

@Specks it was a HS varsity game.

Thank you so much to all of you who have offered advice, support and encouragement. It's very healing. And all of your comments have been very insightful and appropriate which I very much appreciate!

Nic

[ElkOil]

@Specks it was a HS varsity game.

Thank you so much to all of you who have offered advice, support and encouragement. It's very healing. And all of your comments have been very insightful and appropriate which I very much appreciate!

Nic

​Nic, how long have you been umpiring?  I ask because if you're new, putting you on a varsity crew is asking a lot of a new umpire.  In my association, we won't see varsity-level ball until our third or fourth year.  That gives us hundreds of games doing select, JV, freshman and men's games before we're thrown into that fire.

Edited May 9, 2015 by ElkOil

[HuskerUmp22]

​Nic, how long have you umpiring?  I ask because if you're new, putting you on a varsity crew is asking a lot of a new umpire.  In my association, we won't see varsity-level ball until our third or fourth year.  That gives us hundreds of games doing select, JV, freshman and men's games before we're thrown into that fire.

​I agree with that. I had umpired for about six years before I started working varsity games. Of course I started when I was 17 years old. 

[elares]

It gets better.

It gets A LOT better.

 

[renegadewolf]

I can't really add much to what has already been said, but like everyone has said, you have one of those rough games that makes you second guess your desire.  My worst game involved baiting a coach, swearing at him, 5 ejections, 2 teams going crazy, parents almost as crazy as the kids and my partner and I walking off the field in fear of our safety.  All of that was due to some very VERY bad game management.  I shared and I learned despite never wanting to so much as see another baseball game, and I got a bit better from it because all the people here not only showed me what my mistakes were, but how i could not make them again.  I also got a lot of reassurance that we all have a bad game.  7 years later I still don't like ejecting, but it's part of the job and when I need to I do.

48

[nicshow]

This was my 9th varsity game this year. I did about that many last year. I did at least twice that many JV games last year and probably 3 times that many this year.

As I have been reflecting, I think one of the problems with that game was that I've been working with an expanded or liberal strike zone for all those JV games and most of the Varsity games. And I've had little criticism because most pitchers need a bigger zone. But, in this game, they were not loving my zone. I think I would have had little problem had I called a zone closer to the book and I'm open to dealing with that issue.

I think the point that has been raised is a good one - about jumping into Varsity games before one is ready. There are far more games than umps but I need to be much more careful about what games I accept.

Nic

Edited May 10, 2015 by nicshow