The Things We Think And Do Not Say

[midmoump]

The Things We Think And Do Not Say

Late night ramblings By Umpire Jerry F’N Maguire

Coach: Hey, Blue!

Me: Yes, Bucket Ass?

Coach: Blue, what’s the count?

Me: You’re down by two, coach; it's late in the game; and you're not paying attention. It don’t look good for you.

After my partner is talked into “getting help†on a play at the plate.

Partner: Pete! Whaddayagot?

Me: The batter runner touched first. No doubt about it.

On a check swing

Partner: Did he go?

Me: No, but the pitch was a strike!

Coach: You'd better call that all day!

Me: Or what?

To a pitcher struggling to throw strikes

Me: Three balls! No clue!

Defensive Coach: Where was that pitch?

Me: In the ball zone!

After calling a low strike

Defensive Coach: The last one there was called a ball!

Me: Oh! My mistake! Ball!

After a close out call

Coach: How can you call him out?

Me: Like this, “He’s out!†Wanna see my ejection mechanic?

Coach: That one wasn’t even close!

Me: I’m glad we agree. I was afraid you saw it differently

After a punch out

Me: Next!

[Jocko]

Funny stuff!

[umpcoachfather]

My all time favorite -

"hey Blue, your missing a great game"

Me "yes I know, they made me do this one"

[csabo17]

Last night I heard this from an old dude in the stands.

"hey blue, clean that plate off and ill help you call em"!

[johnnyg08]

Last night I heard this from an old dude in the stands.

"hey blue, clean that plate off and ill help you call em"!

Old dude heckles are the best!

[Replacematt]

After a close out call

Coach: How can you call him out?

Me: Like this, “He’s out!†Wanna see my ejection mechanic?

Aside from the last question, I did use this one. Coach ended up suspended for three games for bumping me. I would not advise it for amateur ball.

[carolinablue]

Ump: Strike

Coach: That's the same pitch as last one. ( called a ball )

Ump: At least I didn't miss em' both.

[johnnyg08]

Ump: Strike

Coach: That's the same pitch as last one. ( called a ball )

Ump: At least I didn't miss em' both.

I like that one.

[Majordave]

LMAO. For those of you who don't know Pete. This is his classic brand of humor. This one time, back in July 2009, when we worked a tourney together, in Ashland, MO, a shortstop. for this one team, (we affectionately called it Eddie's Team-since the coach/manager/shortstop was named Eddie), couldn't make a play to save his life and on one play- he kicked it, as in stuck out his foot on a ground ball and really kicked it-the ball, and Pete, in discussing it either between innings or after the game said: "Did you see that play by Eddie where he kicked the baseball? Can you say "Kick Save"? Maybe he should be playing hockey instead of baseball?."

I laughed my ass off. I still do every time I think of it. I haven't seen a shortstop try to kick a baseball since but I am hopeful, ever hopeful.........

Great thread Pete. Thanks for the laughs and memories.

[sdix00]

So, why can't we say these? They're all great!

[SoCal Lurker]

Ump: Strike

Coach: That's the same pitch as last one. ( called a ball )

Ump: At least I didn't miss em' both.

There is an old-time pro baseball story -- don't recall the umpire or the batte., but I be lieve it was player with a reputation for a good eye. Ball. Ball. Strike. Batter "That's right where the first two were!" U: "Really?" "Yeah." "You sure?" "Yeah. . . . . "Strike 3, yer out!"

[James Walker]

Coach- terrible game blue...

Me- you're right, maybe you should practice more...

This is my favorite... Lord knows we've all had plenty of chances to use it but didn't.

[Jocko]

Old dude (to batter) : Watch out you don't get hit by those strikes!

[dmdhiker]

This was exactly what I needed after a long rookie spring. LMAO.

[KLAH316]

I am always thinking:

Coach: I guess it really desn't matter what the coach is bitching about....

Me: STFU !!!

I guess that would turn me into Bob Davidson then..... :tantrum:

[cuban]

Ump: Strike

Coach: That's the same pitch as last one. ( called a ball )

Ump: At least I didn't miss em' both.

I have said that a couple times.

[Mike Prince]

Base Coach (to batter): Nice eye Johnny

Ump: Strike!

[sdix00]

Base Coach (to batter): Nice eye Johnny

Ump: Strike!

Similar to what I heard last week during a contentious tourney, said at the EXACT same time before PU called the pitch a strike:

"Good eye, Max!"

"Good pitch, Jacob!"

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

[Replacematt]

Old dude: "You better stretch out those creamy hamstrings!!!"

http://www.facebook....ert/70777160511

Fixed that for you.

[Typhoon]

Back in the day I used to be a bit of a hardass when I was playing, I used to get ejected a lot. We were playing a night game in a tournament and the ump called a third strike on me at about ankle level. I said to him I'm having trouble sleeping at home, tell me, how you can do it with all these lights on? See Ya!

Remember the masks that looked like 3 cast iron bars, well when I thought the ump missed one I said Hey your supposed to look between those bars not through them. Again Goodbye

I have actually said this when questioned about my eyesight. "I used to be a pretty good ballplayer but my vision went bad so I became an umpire!"

[ring-em-up12]

the one i always think about.

Fans: Come on Blue you gotta keep your eyes open to make a call.

Ump: This game is just to bad to watch.

[scrounge]

When an asst coach wants to try to argue a call:

Sorry, I'll talk with the organ grinder but not the monkey

[johnnyg08]

I've always said to the assistants: "I'll talk to Batman, but I'm not talking to Robin."

[Umpire in Chief]

I know someone who once told an assistant coach, "Assistant coaches are like children, their meant to be seen not heard."

[Jocko]

I know someone who once told an assistant coach, "Assistant coaches are like children, their meant to be seen not heard."

guilty dog barking?