Looking for Cure For Bad Karma

[jkumpire]

When I teach in the new umpire's class every year, we go through some of the silly situations in FED you might see once in a lifetime and I tell them "If this happens to you please let us know so we can make sure none of us schedules a game with you until you lose the bad karma you have with you."

Well, now it it has happened to me.

If you have a solution let me know. I've considered burning parts of my uniform. having a priest do an exorcism, or selling all my gear to someone else who has better luck. Here is my sad, sad tale.....

It all started last week, when I had a gorgeous afternoon, nice and cool, but sunny to work. It has been a great season; nobody has said BOO to me this year, life is good, Easter was great, etc. I pull into a local High school for a game an hour and 10 minutes early so I can get a good coat of polish on the shoes, reorganize the bags, get a good stretch in, all the good stuff. One team is on the field, everything is good. Then the other team pulls up. That's funny I thought, I'm not scheduled for those guys today. What's up?

About that time here comes the AD from the school and two other umpires. Lo and behold, I am at the wrong school! I drive toward the main town in the area, calling my assigner and saying "HELP!!!!!!!!!"

He has to call another AD to get him on the local scheduling site to tell me where I am at. Of course, I drove by the school I'm supposed to be at on the way over to the wrong school, so after running every stop street, and every light between school a and school b, I show up 20 minutes before game time. "They told me you would be late" the AD from that school says.

"I already am", I told him. But then all is good; I have a partner who is an ex-professional player, the best F2 I ever worked behind, and his zone is big enough to drive a semi through. Game is good, it's only 1:26 we beat the SB game by 20 minutes (for the fifth time this season), and we both wave at the SB crew as we leave.

But there is a dark cloud on the horizon; Balk #1 is home team F1 who rolls through a stop in the set like I rolled through about four stop streets on the way over. Balk #2 by the other pitcher is an obvious start/stop. What's worse is my partner says, "I'm wearing a shirt, what about you?"

It's sunny but cool and breezy. "I'll wear a jacket today, It ought to be comfortable, and I don't want to get a sunburn." Great, no sunburn, but by the end of the game I'm dripping sweat from my hermetically sealed plastic sauna jacket I'm wearing, Who needs a thermabase right? This thing kept me as warm as doing a game in the freaking Sahara.

Next day, I'm back at the school where I was not supposed to be the day before. Working with a young umpire, had a good pregame, even fielded questions and traded jokes with the SB umpires. I close the doors to my van, and off we go to the field. Game is complete blow out, visiting team can't catch a cold, and i get hit twice in the game where the visiting F2 "oles" two pitches he gets crossed on; one hits midesection below my CP, the other gets my forearm on TOP of a bruise from two weeks before. We have balk #3, and finally the game is over. We are in TOP 5, score 13-2, and I hear "Hey jk, you not done yet?" Here is the SB crew paying their respects. Arrrg!

I get to my car, reach in my pocket for keys, and voila! There they are sitting on the dash. AAA is called, gets lost, and takes over an hour to show up.

Next day, I am at a small school for a rivalry game. My partner is a youing umpire, does a great job, hustles, works his tail off to get better. Today, he kicks more calls then Messi for Barcelona. To add insult to injury, for the first time in years, a player hits a game ball that gets stuck in the backstop fence, about 15 feet off the ground. We only have 3 balls for the game, and one is in the woods. Base coach gets the other game ball from the visiting F3 at the end of the inning, and uses that to try and get the other ball off the backstop. He, of course, gets that ball stuck in the backstop too. Suddenly, the other ball comes back from the woods, and we can play again! That same inning, we have balk #4 of the week.

The next day, I am at the same field, working a JV DH because the AD can't find anyone else, and I make it a point to do a JV game or two to remind myself of how fortunate I am to work Varsity and college ball. Great day, bright sun, and no sunscreen to wear. Oh no! Then I have the plate in game one, and in my pregame my partner says, "I've never worked the V before." WHAT!!!!!!!!! So I tell him about it, and we decide to work with it in the game.

Lo and behold, the home team is out of pitching (though I wonder if they have any to begin with) and proceed to give up 12 runs in the TOP of the first. My zone is 5 feet wide and 4 feet high, I still can't get a strike. Game finishes 16-7 visitors in only 2 hours for a 5 inning game. At least the V is a hit with my partner, a very nice man who just needed a little work on it.

Game #2 features balks 5-8. I see every balk imaginable, and walk off on another four or five. Every time I call a balk: "He's right" a coach will say right after it. I'm thinking; Okay, so why didn't you tell them that in practice before the season starts? My partner has a small zone that day, so the 16-13 seven inning game only takes 3 hours to play, and I have a sunburn the color of a well-cooked lobster.

Easter Sunday was a great day except for the biggest screw up in my job I've done in 23 years on the job. It's ugly times 8. Then Phil blows up the Masters with that stupid triple on the 4th....

Then comes Monday: I'm on the base again, a HS game with the best F1's in the area throwing. Game was no big deal other than both HC's are crying on every wacker that doesn't go their way, and then lo and behold, I have balks 9 and 10 in a week. How bad are they, the manager shouts from the dugout: "Slow down, you're getting in a rush." 2 pitches later the F1 doesn't even slow down as he tries to come set. In the TOP of the next inning, the other F1 starts then stops in the middle of his pitching motion since they have a pick off play and F3 (I think) misses the sign.

Then there is last night, college D3 midweek game. To make a long story short, I have seven or eight wackers on the bases, an obstruction call, and Balks 11, 12, and 13 in a week, To TOP it off, after at least 3800 games in my career, I see two different F1's drop the ball from their pitching hand as they are in contact with the rubber; one as his cleats get caught trying to start a motion, the other just dropped it. I hadn't seen that happen once in the past 10 years.

I have another game tonight, and I am scared stiff. Any cures for bad karma are appreciated.

[Kevin Finnerty]

No man should have to call 13 balks in a week. I can't believe the gods would let that happen to any of us, let alone a seasoned, dedicated pro like you.

Take some coaches' blood--it's very flammable--and pour it all over a high school powder shirt and set it ablaze. Then, as it's burning, try to trap some of the smoke in a mason jar. Take the jar with the smoke in it to the highest point in your region---even the roof of a skyscraper will do. Set the jar on the ground, and tap a small hole in the metal lid, covering it with a fingertip so the smoke doesn't yet escape. Then, hold the jar out at arm's length, and, as you dance a pirouette, let the smoke escape in a steady stream.

That should work.

Best of luck! And least of karma.

[Umpire in Chief]

Ouch, I too have gone to the wrong site before, and like you made it to the correct one in time.

Look at it this way you're getting all the crap over with early and the rest of the season will be smooth sailing.

[scrounge]

time for a slumpbuster

[Thunderheads]

time for a slumpbuster

:spit:

[mstaylor]

Just toss somebody and get it out of your blood.:)

[jkumpire]

And now for tonight's update.....

Life was more or less good tonight, I had a HS game, went about 1:35, 2-1 5 hits between two teams. Until with one out in the bottom of the 7th a pitch goes right between F2 legs, and somehow bounces up, hits and breaks my cup. F2 still doesn't know where the ball went; but he turns around and says: "Wow, I sure missed that one didn't I?"

My partner laughed after the game; "Yeah, I saw that!"

[jkumpire]

time for a slumpbuster

Have a list? Mine aren't working...

[yawetag]

And now for tonight's update.....

Life was more or less good tonight, I had a HS game, went about 1:35, 2-1 5 hits between two teams. Until with one out in the bottom of the 7th a pitch goes right between F2 legs, and somehow bounces up, hits and breaks my cup. F2 still doesn't know where the ball went; but he turns around and says: "Wow, I sure missed that one didn't I?"

My partner laughed after the game; "Yeah, I saw that!"

At least you kept the game under 2 hours.

[Welpe]

You broke your cup?!

Time to invest in the titanium shock doctor!

[Mike Prince]

And now for tonight's update.....

Life was more or less good tonight, I had a HS game, went about 1:35, 2-1 5 hits between two teams. Until with one out in the bottom of the 7th a pitch goes right between F2 legs, and somehow bounces up, hits and breaks my cup. F2 still doesn't know where the ball went; but he turns around and says: "Wow, I sure missed that one didn't I?"

My partner laughed after the game; "Yeah, I saw that!"

At least you kept the game under 2 hours.

And walked away with both of his balls :rock

[Kevin Finnerty]

I'm with Welpe. Holy Crap!

And you finished the game with a broken cup?!?

[midmoump]

Just toss somebody and get it out of your blood.

An ejectorcism! I love it!

[Jeff C.]

Dude I feel your pain. And I thought I had a horSH*# game. I'm with you on the balks though, it seems like I'm getting one or two a game.

[mstaylor]

I had to call two the other night in a 17-0 fiasco. The team is getting killed and I had to balk the kid twice.