Coaching vs Parenting ugh..

[ArchAngel72]

Had a game the other night. 2nd inning ( in between swaps)  I dusted off the plate early cause it was covered pretty well so the in coming pitcher could see it. 

as I am doing this I hear from the VT the HC scream at someone "YOU CAN"T DO THAT AND YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME"  ( this is 8-10U LL )

 

I mean scream it was so loud the whole field heard it. 

Well 2 yrs ago we were all told to watch out for bullying going on during the game. So I walked over and asked the HC to come out to the 3rd base line I turned toward the field and asked as low as I could with him able to hear me "Was that you" 

He said Yes

I started in on this is LL and he cannot be yelling like that at players

He cut me off and said it was his son and his son had just thrown a ball against the fence in frustration and it almost hit another kid.

I said OK you played the dad card, but you cannot be dad while your on the field like that. You are coach of everyone.. 

again he cut me off and started to walk away and snarled at me " I don't need any parenting advise"

Well  It took all I had not to toss him at that moment.

I am sure I lost my poker face 

I am sure I may have been a little strained in my voice when I urged the coach to come back and chat with me. 

I did my best to explain to him that he is also the coach of 10 or so other kids and he cannot be treating his son any different than he would at that point any other kid on the team.

So I explained about our stance on bullying and what I heard was something that was what I would call that if it was any kid on that team by a coach. 

It took a min or so maybe 2  and I wished I could have done that all quieter and quicker but I did not accomplish as much as I wanted to.

In the end I am not there to be a councilor to the dad, or the coach.

I almost feel like I should have run him and then chatted with him and the president of the league after. 

I do know the Treasurer of the league, whom is also a coach in the 10-12u section of that league observed the yelling and the conference after and he put a complaint in to the President of the league about how that coach handled it. 

A league wide email went out to all volunteers about the incident and there was some verbage in there about abusing umpires.

I personally did not feel abused but I did feel disrespected in my role on the field. 

Its like Coach I told you something just shut up and do it.  Yeah you had a reason to be upset with your son, BUT what I really wanted to say is YES you do need some guidance when it comes to parenting.. as well as coaching.

 

sigh.

[agdz59]

I haven't had it this extreme, but I enjoy playing "which kid is the coaches?" based on player interaction. I'm usually right.

[SH0102]

This is a tough one...bc rarely do people want unsolicited advice, especially when it comes to them being a bad parent, and it isn’t our job to try and give it, and so I can see why he’d be snarky about an umpire turning counselor on him.

That said, you do have jurisdiction on the field in regards to sportsmanship and the game being played and progressing.

If this coach’s behavior, words, actions, or voice, cross your line of sportsmanship or is preventing the game from moving forward, then I’d just run him and deal with the explanations and advice later.

Sounds like you tried to do it the right way, not toss him, talk to him so he wasn’t being shown up (everyone else hears it), but I think you’d be hard pressed to find many people who would have accepted your unsolicited advice , especially once they’ve already established the kind of person they are by losing their s*** at an 8 year old.

If I was the coach of that team, I’d have benched him and made him apologize to teammates, be in control as the adult.

[SeeingEyeDog]

@ArchAngel72, as described, I think you did the best you could here and I admire you for stepping up and addressing this. It can be frustrating when we don't get the exact result we want out of a coach interaction and remember...we are never responsible for or can control how a coach reacts. Be calm, be succinct and end it as quickly as you can.

Bullying has been a problem since the second human being was born. We are only now beginning to wrap our minds around its psychological effects. This just in...nearly all bullies were themselves bullied at some point in their lives.

Your league has clearly made this a point of emphasis and I applaud them for doing so. This is an issue for LL globally that is long overdue from being addressed.

In closing, I would encourage you to report this action to your UIC or whomever your point of contact is. First, it will put the coach on the league's radar. Second, it lets you get out ahead of the coach potentially filing a complaint on you.

~Dawg

[ArchAngel72]

59 minutes ago, SeeingEyeDog said:

@ArchAngel72, as described, I think you did the best you could here and I admire you for stepping up and addressing this. It can be frustrating when we don't get the exact result we want out of a coach interaction and remember...we are never responsible for or can control how a coach reacts. Be calm, be succinct and end it as quickly as you can.

Bullying has been a problem since the second human being was born. We are only now beginning to wrap our minds around its psychological effects. This just in...nearly all bullies were themselves bullied at some point in their lives.

Your league has clearly made this a point of emphasis and I applaud them for doing so. This is an issue for LL globally that is long overdue from being addressed.

In closing, I would encourage you to report this action to your UIC or whomever your point of contact is. First, it will put the coach on the league's radar. Second, it lets you get out ahead of the coach potentially filing a complaint on you.

~Dawg

Oh I did report it to the UiC the next morning,  after the email went out about coaches giving umpires crap he called me and asked "WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!?"

 

I was giggling cause I had not seen the email but I could tell that drama was coming.  I laughed off the coach after all was said and done that night. let it slip right off my shoulders.  I do my best not to let anything from one game to the next stay there. I do my best to recall the things I mess up and fix them and forget the interactions if any with players and or coaches. Its a fresh new day.

anywho yah I reported it to him.

[Velho]

17 hours ago, agdz59 said:

I haven't had it this extreme, but I enjoy playing "which kid is the coaches?" based on player interaction. I'm usually right.

I love this game as well. Two memorable instances:

1) While coaching LL A ball/7U: sharp grounder that SS takes off the forearm - right on the bone, nasty sound. He's balled up crying (as expected) and I get their first (I was feeding the pitching machine).  OHC comes walking out in a mix of impatience & disgust* "Get up. Get up!"  My internal dialogue: Ding, ding. That's his boy.

2) PU LL Majors/12U: I knew the Managers son "Jimmy" since he was in my daughters class but wasn't sure which one was him. I was PU and a wild pitch lets R3 score and I hear the Manager saying "That's on you! That's on YOU!"* from the dugout (interior end is way too close to home plate). I look down at the catcher and say "Oh, you're Jimmy, huh?" and get a "yep" in reply.

* that I now know is displays of ones internal issues with insecurity and psychological stuff they (me) put on their kids - kids aren't the only ones that learn from this game

[Aging_Arbiter]

After last year's ADHOC season that we put together when local restrictions were lifted enough to play, we had a district wide invite type tournament.  I was not umpiring, but I was in attendance.  Now, I was on the board as the UIC for a better part of 20 years, so the folks around the field know OF me (at least).  Well, I'm a spectator now and standing there with the league president when a Coach/dad is at the gated entrance to the field with his son (crying) that he doesn't want to be there and he wants to leave with mom.  Dad grabs little Jimmy by the arm (and starts to use that i'm trying to be quiet but I'm gonna whoop your ass tone of voice).  You knock off the crying and get back in that dugout. 

So, little old me.....(5'10" 285 USMC veteran with a not so pretty face) walks up to him rather briskly (with president (also a USMC vet) following closely behind because he knows what is about to occur).  I caught myself just as I got to the gate, coach/dad looked up and all I said was "that will be enough".  He tried the "this is my son" routine with me.  I politely told him that "if you want to continue grabbing the child like that, you won't  appreciate the way I am about to grab you.  He apologized and went back in the dugout.  Oddly enough, the rest of the evening went fine and little Jimmy ended up leaving with mom.

[kylehutson]

BTDT