Any hints on keeping your cool

[umpire_scott]

So I consider myself a pretty articulate guy.  I do a better than average job of thinking on my feet in debate situations as well.  But for whatever reason I'm not able to be as cool and confident when dealing with coaches.  Here's an example:

 

I was doing a pretty high level Pasttime Tournament last Friday.  Top of the first inning R1 and R2.  Team attempts a double steal.  I get great position and bang the kid out going into third.  It was one of those where the hand was coming to the bag and the tag was in the forearm area in front of the bag.  So it was not an easy call.  The 3rd base coach immediately tells his runner to stay there and asks if he can talk to me about the call.  I say sure.  He comes out to me and says his had was in way ahead of the tag.  I instantly get edgy because that is ludicrous to say it was "way ahead of the tag".  I calmly say coach that's not how I saw it.  He then says "well that's what happened, can you get help".  I look at him and say kind of sarcastically "coach I'm right here" and motion to my feet and then towards the bag.  He then takes a step closer to me and gets in my personal space.  He is not raising his voice or cursing, he is just repeating that the had was already in.  I say ":coach, do you really think that because you came out here and argued I'm going to change my call?.  Now you need to go back to your dugout or box".  I said it in a rather condescenging tone, which was based on my annoyancge at this guy thinking he was Earl Weaver or something.  He responds with "you don't need to talk to me that way I thought we were just having a conversation".  I said "it stopped being a conversation when you got in my face, that was inappropriate coach.  Now go back to your dugout or box".  He adheres and no further problems.

 

Afterwards I just wish I would have kept my cool better and not escalated the situation.  I always say I'm going to, but when the situations arise, my emotions take over and I get agitated.  Anyone else have this issue and have any ideas to get past it?

[blue23ll]

Umpiring is not a debate, nor do you have to be concerned about impressing anyone with your vocabulary or ability to verbally joust with coaches. In this situation, you made a judgement call, it wasn't going to change, so there is no reason to even entertain a discussion with anyone. There is no reason to 'talk' about the call, you aren't going to get help, there is no help to get. A better response to the coach, when he asked if he could "talk" about the call would have been, "No, coach, let's play". If he continues to delay the game, then you have to deal with that.

 

Keep your emotions out of the game, as best you can. One of the best pieces of advice regarding talking to coaches was to keep your statements to 4 words or less, if possible.

[BalkHawk]

ego is the enemy.

[D62 blue]

well here is my method for these situations :

make you're call , and start to walk back to you're position , if the coach wants to speak with you , let them come to you .

Coach : " time ! time!"

coaches comes out , i turn my back to the crowd so they cant see me , and without the coach realizing , I turn (rotate) him facing the crowd so they can see whatever he is saying/behaving .

Me : "coach what did you see ? "

let him describe or what ever he wants the play in question , let him finish his rant ( as long as he is reasonable ) this is where you have to have some patience , and people skills . don't raise you're voice , speak in the same tone no matter what the coach is saying , this can be difficult for some . you cannot let yourself get personal during the exchange with a coach !

Me: "i had a tag before the bag coach ", (there are several ways you could articulate this) , the key is to use as few words as possible . no lengthy explanations . 

Coach :"c'mon blue he didnt get the tag on him!!"

Me: "we're not going to argue judgement today coach ", "unless you have something else for me , let play on coach " . now if he continues to press the issue , people skills , people skills !!!

Me: "coach we're done , if you don't go back to you're dugout/box , ill have to eject you from the game " , now you have given the warning !

Ive only been umpiring for 9 yrs , only 4 ejections  .

I have very good people skills , i work directly with clients on a daily basis in my real job . letting you're emotions get the best of you will come back to haunt in more ways than one as a sports official .

Ive been told by veteran umpires at d1 and HS levels that one of the marks of an umpire trying to move up to the higher levels is the ability to have good game management skills , you can have the best mechanics , but if you cannot handle situations while under fire , moving up to higher levels will be difficult . Good game management is part of the job , keeping you're composure and being professional is a must  .

that's my 2 cents

Marc

[Magic]

Marc explained it perfectly, except one thing(This is my choice). I try not to ever tell a coach I am going to eject him if he doesn't do something. Because a coach usually comes back at me with Are you threatening me? So I try(And trust me, it is the hardest thing for me to do) to say, Coach thats it. We are done. If he continues, I say Coach No More, In a very strong voice. If he continues? He gets the Boot.

[maven]

Afterwards I just wish I would have kept my cool better and not escalated the situation.  I always say I'm going to, but when the situations arise, my emotions take over and I get agitated.  Anyone else have this issue and have any ideas to get past it?

 

According to your report, you did not escalate the situation, coach did, by entering your space. If he knows the game at all, he was clearly trying to work you: arguing judgment, asking you to get help on what is clearly your call, and then physical intimidation.

 

It didn't work. Good for you! More evidence that he was trying to manipulate you: he stopped after it didn't work the first time.

 

Next time you'll have a little more confidence and do even better. For example, I wouldn't have told the coach that it is impossible I would change my call (makes me seem arrogant), and I would have resisted the impulse to sarcasm (which almost never plays well). Just listen to him, tell him what you saw, remind him that he cannot argue judgment, and tell him it's time to play ball!

[Mike Prince]

A very good umpire once told me - "the less you say is the less you say".  I don't think you lost your composure too bad (at least outwardly, although your statement that you instantly got edgy may indicate otherwise), you used far too many words and gave the coach an opportunity to get under your skin.  Also, no need for sarcasm IMO - once you tell him what you had the conversation is essentially over.

 

Marc gives excellent advice.  You don't need to make the coach understand your call.  I am assuming that this is an AC you were talking to - I usually reserve any level of discussion for the HC only.  Consider that for the next time this happens.

[umpire_scott]

Thanks guys, all great advice.  I think the one I need to take out of this the most is to let the coach do the talking first.  This way I can formulate my response based on what he says.  My personal nature in any situation is always to "out talk" the other person, but I see how that does not suit me well in these situations.

[umpire_scott]

ego is the enemy.

 

I agree with this but can't refusing to even discuss a coaches concern also be construed as an ego thing?  I want to be approachable, because I've worked with umpires that I feel create situations and tension by not easing a coaches mind by being approachable.  I also don't want to be one of those guys.

[BigUmpire]

I am different.

I WANT people to believe that they will have a bad day if they cross me.

[scrounge]

 

ego is the enemy.

 

I agree with this but can't refusing to even discuss a coaches concern also be construed as an ego thing?  I want to be approachable, because I've worked with umpires that I feel create situations and tension by not easing a coaches mind by being approachable.  I also don't want to be one of those guys.

 

 

Approachable means reasonably listening but not necessarily arguing or responding sarcastically. Just hear them out, tell them what you saw, and move on. If they're yelling or getting red-faced, end it quicker ("coach, I'll listen to you but I won't listen to you yell at me). But if they're calm or controlled and don't get personal (something like "he got behind the tag" or "he missed him"), all you really need to say - if anything - is "ok" or "I saw it differently but I hear ya". You already made the call, you don't need to win an argument.

[johnnyg08]

I need to work on turning the coach. That is an advanced move that I need to practice.

Fortunately this year, I haven't had many opportunities to practice it.

[umpire_scott]

I need to work on turning the coach. That is an advanced move that I need to practice.

Fortunately this year, I haven't had many opportunities to practice it.

 

Ironically this coach actually turned me.  When he got in my personal space he did so by stepping in front of me so that his back was to the crowd.

[RichMSN]

ego is the enemy.

 

Good umpires all have a very healthy ego.

 

He started it all by telling R2 to stay at third.  I'd listen for a second, tell him, "that's not how I saw it," and then start moving back to the C position.  It's not a debate, after all, and you're certainly not going to shop the call to another umpire.

 

I'm assuming he's the head coach, cause an assistant's not leaving his box to discuss anything.

[renegadewolf]

It was well said earlier, ego is the enemy.  I get hot because someone who is most likely not as educated about the rules as I am is trying to tell me that I am wrong.  Alpha personalities don't like being told they are wrong, and the fact is that most of us, on the diamond anyhow, are alphas. Alphas also has stupidly sensitive egos that are easily bruised when someone has the audacity to question anything we say or do.  It's quite the catch 22. I try to remember my 3Rs.  Ready, Respect, Repeat.  Be ready to explain the call.  Be respectful explaining the call.  Repeat the explanation.  People go away when they figure out you are a broken record. 

[RichMSN]

It was well said earlier, ego is the enemy.

 

Ego's *not* the enemy -- it's not knowing how to control or understand your ego that's the problem.

 

I've never, NEVER met a top-notch official who doesn't have a healthy ego.

[maven]

Whether ego is the enemy depends on what you mean by 'ego'.

 

Some folks mean an arrogant, egotistical person who never listens and never learns. That's a problem.

 

Others mean a confident, knowledgeable person who works his azz off to be excellent on and off the field. That's not a problem.

[umpire_scott]

 

ego is the enemy.

 

Good umpires all have a very healthy ego.

 

He started it all by telling R2 to stay at third.  I'd listen for a second, tell him, "that's not how I saw it," and then start moving back to the C position.  It's not a debate, after all, and you're certainly not going to shop the call to another umpire.

 

I'm assuming he's the head coach, cause an assistant's not leaving his box to discuss anything.

 

 

I'm curious as to why you don't allow the AC to leave the box to discuss a call with you.  In this case the head coach happened to be coaching third, so it didn't matter.  But oftentimes when I'm umpiring I don't even pay attention to who the head coach is and who the assistant coaches are.  I treat them all the same.  I've never had a game where my partner or I clarified at the plate meeting who the head coach was and who the assistanct coaches were.  For all I know many assistant coaches may have come out for plate meetings.  Do you insist at every plate meeting to know who the head coach is?

[Dragon29]

I have a somewhat different take.  Yes, the coach "started it" by telling his runner to stay on the bag - not a good way to start a conversation with an umpire, however I think there are several things you did that should be avoided.

 

There is no need to 'instantly get edgy'; you saw the play and made your call.

 

Almost everything coaches say when arguing calls can be described as 'ludicrous' so there's nothing new there - no reason for attitude.

 

If he's an AC, why are you talking w/him anyway?

 

Here's the big one though - When he asks you to get help, don't get sarcastic on him.  What is that going to accomplish other than pissing him off?  I love sarcasm as much, hell, more than the next guy, but there is no place for it on the field.

And, of course he thinks you'll change your call if he comes out to complain - they all have the memory of a mayfly and can't recall that the last 234 times they argued a call, the umpire didn't change that one either!  Being condescending also has no place on the field.

 

Think of it this way, you treated him in a manner that, if he had used on you, would either have put him on a short leash or got him tossed - why do you think you can behave that way when the coaches aren't allowed to?

 

Granted, he started this mess, but be the bigger man and end it.

 

Also - to answer your question re: the AC - having a brief, explanatory conversation w/an AC is fine, but they are not permitted to discuss calls w/an umpire. Rule 9.02(b)

Edited June 11, 2013 by Dragon29

[blue23ll]

Great discussion here, and about something that rarely even gets a passing mention in clinics or training situations. We are told to be approachable, not escalate an argument and don't look like the aggressor. For new guys, that can be a difficult set of requirements. A couple of things tend to work against us, particularly when we are inexperienced. The first one is pure adrenaline. If anyone else is like I was, the adrenaline started the night before, with a fitful sleep. Particularly if I was working the dish that day, everyone around me knew to avoid me. I was on the edge of pure aggression before the game started, I had the NO ONE was going to get away with ANYTHING attitude, and I ejected a few really quickly. Of course, I made lots of bad calls, we all do when we  are just starting out. So as we gain more experience and confidence, that aggression turns to confidence, hopefully. I still have the butterflies before every plate game, and that is pressure I put on myself, it's not aggression directed toward anyone else. 

 

Several keys to handling discussions:

 

1) Let the coach talk. I don't say a word until the coach is done, or gets repetitive. I once had a coach come out, rant for a while, get a blank look on his face ( I think he forgot why he came out) and then just head back to the bench.  If they are just ranting, when they stop for a breath, I ask them, "Do you want to know what I saw?"  I tell them ONCE, what I saw. I may (rarely though) ask them "What did YOU see, coach?"...you would be surprised how many times they don't even SEE the play. Then I say, "Okay, let's play", and I move away from them.

 

2) If they want an explanation of a rule interpretation, I will give them that, ONE time. Then I say, "Okay, let's play", and I move away from them.

 

3) Now, once we get to step 3, I am done talking, and the coach is treading on thin ice. He knows I am done, and it is his choice to continue to talk to me. I'm not interested in his opinion, nor am I concerned about his understanding of the ruling. I want to get the game going again. IF he continues to pester me, I will say loudly and firmly, "That's enough coach(First name), we are done, Let's play".

 

4) At step 4, the coach is done for the day...play on.

[plateumpire]

 

 

ego is the enemy.

 

Good umpires all have a very healthy ego.

 

He started it all by telling R2 to stay at third.  I'd listen for a second, tell him, "that's not how I saw it," and then start moving back to the C position.  It's not a debate, after all, and you're certainly not going to shop the call to another umpire.

 

I'm assuming he's the head coach, cause an assistant's not leaving his box to discuss anything.

 

 

I'm curious as to why you don't allow the AC to leave the box to discuss a call with you.  In this case the head coach happened to be coaching third, so it didn't matter.  But oftentimes when I'm umpiring I don't even pay attention to who the head coach is and who the assistant coaches are.  I treat them all the same.  I've never had a game where my partner or I clarified at the plate meeting who the head coach was and who the assistanct coaches were.  For all I know many assistant coaches may have come out for plate meetings.  Do you insist at every plate meeting to know who the head coach is?

 

In one league I am required to know that the coaches at the plate meeting are the head coaches. If they are not, I will have to have them get the head coaches. 

[BigUmpire]

Great discussion here, and about something that rarely even gets a passing mention in clinics or training situations. We are told to be approachable, not escalate an argument and don't look like the aggressor. For new guys, that can be a difficult set of requirements. A couple of things tend to work against us, particularly when we are inexperienced. The first one is pure adrenaline. If anyone else is like I was, the adrenaline started the night before, with a fitful sleep. Particularly if I was working the dish that day, everyone around me knew to avoid me. I was on the edge of pure aggression before the game started, I had the NO ONE was going to get away with ANYTHING attitude, and I ejected a few really quickly. Of course, I made lots of bad calls, we all do when we  are just starting out. So as we gain more experience and confidence, that aggression turns to confidence, hopefully. I still have the butterflies before every plate game, and that is pressure I put on myself, it's not aggression directed toward anyone else. 

 

Several keys to handling discussions:

 

1) Let the coach talk. I don't say a word until the coach is done, or gets repetitive. I once had a coach come out, rant for a while, get a blank look on his face ( I think he forgot why he came out) and then just head back to the bench.  If they are just ranting, when they stop for a breath, I ask them, "Do you want to know what I saw?"  I tell them ONCE, what I saw. I may (rarely though) ask them "What did YOU see, coach?"...you would be surprised how many times they don't even SEE the play. Then I say, "Okay, let's play", and I move away from them.

 

2) If they want an explanation of a rule interpretation, I will give them that, ONE time. Then I say, "Okay, let's play", and I move away from them.

 

3) Now, once we get to step 3, I am done talking, and the coach is treading on thin ice. He knows I am done, and it is his choice to continue to talk to me. I'm not interested in his opinion, nor am I concerned about his understanding of the ruling. I want to get the game going again. IF he continues to pester me, I will say loudly and firmly, "That's enough coach(First name), we are done, Let's play".

 

4) At step 4, the coach is done for the day...play on.

Great advice from a very experenced umpire. Almost a mini clinic.

the best recomendation is "I move away from them". Take 2 to fight.

GREAT STUFF!

[noumpere]

 

 

 

 

I'm curious as to why you don't allow the AC to leave the box to discuss a call with you.  In this case the head coach happened to be coaching third, so it didn't matter.  But oftentimes when I'm umpiring I don't even pay attention to who the head coach is and who the assistant coaches are.  I treat them all the same.  I've never had a game where my partner or I clarified at the plate meeting who the head coach was and who the assistanct coaches were.  For all I know many assistant coaches may have come out for plate meetings.  Do you insist at every plate meeting to know who the head coach is?

 

It's pretty clearly a FED requirement and generally good advice at all levels.  The coach gets a much longer leash than the assistant.

 

On your OP, I've often used words like, "I can imagine what it looked like from your angle, but I had the tag right here (point to your arm) before the hand reached the base" (and be specific as to what you saw). and "it was a close play and if I was wearing a (your color) jersey, I could understand how you saw it differently"

[blue23ll]

In most rule sets, the HC/Manager is the representative of the team, and as such, they are the ones we discuss issues with. In FED ball, the HC must be present(with a few exceptions) at the pre-game meeting. Now, from a pure game management perspective, are we going to let everyone have a chat with us? First, we talk to the AC, he has his say, then we talk to the OTHER AC, and then the HC.....you get my point. Our goal is to keep the game moving, not have a debate on the field with anyone who is interested in participation.

[James Walker]

I've never met a good umpire that didn't have a bit of an ego. Like it was said before, arrogance, being cockey and not listening is the problem. Confidence actually helps on the field (think selling the close calls).

Now, about keeping your cool. I had the same problem when I started. I'd get a close call and be 100% sure I was right, then question myself when the coach came out to talk. Luckily, I had a good mentor. He told me when a coach comes out, one of two things will happen. 1, you listen, coach has his say and goes back to his dugout/box. 2. You listen, coach takes it to far, coach gets a one way ticket to the parking lot. In neither scenario does your call change and the coaches see that they can approach you but not intimidate you. Remember, everyone on that field has an opinion, yours is all that matters.