What the wife must think

[Umpire in Chief]

I'm always asking my wife to pick up something for me when she goes shopping. Here are some of the thinks I've asked her for:

• Toothbrush - To get the really fine dirt/dust out of the seams of my shoes
  
  
• Lysol - To keep my equipment from getting funky.
  
  
• Pledge - To keep a shine on my shoes
  
  
• Empty spray bottles - To keep water in to spray my caps
  
  

I'm sure there are others too. Well I've read a few places about guys using "Scrubbing Bubbles" to clean their shoes and I wanted to try it so I searched the house, no luck. I ask my wife if she could get me some next time she goes shopping.

She looked at me and tells me, "Don't tell me for the first time in 11 years your going to clean the bathrooms."

I said, "No, I want to clean my baseball shoes with it."

"So to be a baseball umpire you need Pledge, Lysol, Scrubbing bubbles and Woolite. Are you an umpire or a housekeeper?... Oh yea, I'm the housekeeper here. I'm surprised you even know what any of those things are. They do make them for other purposes other than just cleaning umpire stuff. I'll be glad to show you one day." She said in the smart@ss tone only a wife can perfect.

I told her, "I think I have a game that day."

[BrianC14]

I'm always asking my wife to pick up something for me when she goes shopping. Here are some of the thinks I've asked her for:

• Toothbrush - To get the really fine dirt/dust out of the seams of my shoes
  
  
• Lysol - To keep my equipment from getting funky.
  
  
• Pledge - To keep a shine on my shoes
  
  
• Empty spray bottles - To keep water in to spray my caps
  
  

I'm sure there are others too. Well I've read a few places about guys using "Scrubbing Bubbles" to clean their shoes and I wanted to try it so I searched the house, no luck. I ask my wife if she could get me some next time she goes shopping.

She looked at me and tells me, "Don't tell me for the first time in 11 years your going to clean the bathrooms."

I said, "No, I want to clean my baseball shoes with it."

"So to be a baseball umpire you need Pledge, Lysol, Scrubbing bubbles and Woolite. Are you an umpire or a housekeeper?... Oh yea, I'm the housekeeper here. I'm surprised you even know what any of those things are. They do make them for other purposes other than just cleaning umpire stuff. I'll be glad to show you one day." She said in the smart@ss tone only a wife can perfect. I told her, "I think I have a game that day."

I don't know, I think would have ejected her for that sort of comment. ;)

[Bigdog]

Hey all,

That would seem to be the WRONG time to hold up your hand like a stop sign and give a loud and firm "That's Enough":D She would probably eject YOU!

Bigdog:cool:

[Hemibee]

I'm sure there are others too. Well I've read a few places about guys using "Scrubbing Bubbles" to clean their shoes and I wanted to try it so I searched the house, no luck. I ask my wife if she could get me some next time she goes shopping.

She looked at me and tells me, "Don't tell me for the first time in 11 years your going to clean the bathrooms."

I said, "No, I want to clean my baseball shoes with it."

We also race motorcycles (Hare Scrambles) and that is our way of cleaning the bikes, boots and chest protectors............Scrubbing Bubble scrub so you won't have toooooooooooo......................... :wow:

[Stan W.]

Fabreeze....Disinfectant kitchen wipes...windex...all included in my cleaning kit that I carry to every game.

[Umpire in Chief]

Get this we were in Hell-on-EarthWal-Mart a few weeks ago and I saw this little caddy in the cleaning isle which has a handle and places to hold your cleaners. I picked it up and was looking at it. My wife came up to me and asked what I was looking at and I showed her and said, "I think I might get one of these before the season starts next year to hold all of my stuff so it doesn't roll around in my trunk."

She didn't say a word, but gave me one of those looks that could kill.

[catoblue]

one of those looks that could kill.

That, my friend is called "THE LOOK".

THE LOOK is never a good thing. THE LOOK often precedes many of the nine words that women use... and here they are (with definitions):

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F* - K YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.