SSK Plate Shoes, metatarsal fastening options (I can't tie my shoes) ((I'm serious))

[TheLovejoy]

   Guys....(and gals).... This is an embarrassing post that I can only make with the anonymity of an online forum... I don't know how to tie my shoes. I'm not joking... I used the SSK Velcros for a couple years, and the New Balance hidden shoelace pouch for a couple years as well. It's been...maybe 6 or 7 years since I've had to actually tie normal plate shoes and figure out how to hide the laces, or the procedure for tieing them. 
 
So, instead of learning...I want to come up with other fun solutions. 🤷‍♂️

   One is to grab some epoxy, and place a couple of buttons under the metatarsal flap. One on the inside of the foot, and one on the outside. So I can tie the shoe, and button the flap down. I'm not positive which epoxy/button combo would work on the outside leather of the shoe, and the underside of the fabric of the metatarsal flap. Thoughts?

   The other is doing the same thing with some type of industrial strength magnets. I'm a bit fearful of the weight that 4 strong magnets would add to the shoe. These are pretty light, so I'm not terribly concerned, but I think the buttons might be a better option. My fear of that is if the shoe gets hit hard enough, could it bend the button? Then who knows if it will ever unbutton or button together again.

Anyways...ideas?
Where my fingers are is roughly where I'd put the button. One on the inside of the metatarsal flap, and one on the shoe itself.