Majordave

I am out of there as soon as he crosses the plate area. I am not calling a kid out on a game winner for an inch or so. Now, one of the preceding runners I might but they (the defense) better be appealing simultaneously with the batter-runner coming across the plate or I am doing the fast, fast (range) walk out the gate most ricky-tic.

"discussion". Which is a good one I might add. I am a member of ESO. Admittedly, I don't go there to read as often as they have no forum and updates are rare to that site. But this morning I was perusing that site and found an article I had missed. Steve Rippley, former MLB, writes and lectures on video articles there and He has one about calling the "Neighborhood Play". This is an excerpt/paraphrase of the article (hopefully I am not too far afoul of any copyright matters). "If you are on the lower levels and don’t often work with TV cameras all over the place, you should recognize the neighborhood play as a learning opportunity for yourself and the players. Just remember that on a routine double play, everybody in the ballpark is watching the ball – the throw to second and the middle infielder’s exchange of the ball from glove to throwing hand. No one but you is watching for the foot touching the base. Thus, if you have a player pushing it, you are in a good position to give him the out and mention to him at an opportune time that he needs to make a better effort to touch the base. Again, remember that I am talking about a routine double play. Also remember that you are never wrong if you call the runner safe because the base was not touched. However, baseball is a fluid game and can be well served in some cases by umpires who take a common sense approach. Steve Rippley was a Major League umpire for 21 years, worked three World Series, and was a crew chief at the time of his retirement in 2002. He was chief field instructor at the Joe Brinkman Umpire School and is now a member of the ESO Baseball Education Panel." Not a bad approach and I think several of us here see that point of view. The worst type of umpire I can think of is the OOO (overly officious official). I know some of them and they can ruin a ball game. Common sense is the key to success and moving up to higher levels not overly technical determinations of rules. My two cents (again). Your mileage may vary.

I keep getting e-mails from Officials Choice, www.theofficialschoice.com , advertising jackets for as low as $27.50. Their shirts are decent for the price so maybe they have the jackets figured out too. Merry Chistmas to Warren?

Man, you guys are harsh. Captain America-That's funny. But seriously, I hate the long sleeve undershirt under the short sleeve umpire shirt. Some of my friends do it in COLLEGE games (granted they are lowly D-3/NAIA but still, it looks STUPID). I rag them to buy the proper jacket, get a long sleeve shirt or even better, get a plate coat. Not having any luck with them yet. Our assigner told them never to wear it like that again AFTER it got warm last year. So, we'll see this year.

Festivus! For the rest of us! Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I took the whole family last year (it was my wife's birthday that weekend). They went shopping while I got my umpire schwerve on. We went to dinner that evening as a family and the place we chose had a lot of less than athletic looking guys with umpire looking logos on their shirts but I did not recognize any of them from the NCAA clinic that day. Later I oveheard them getting louder and displaying PDM (Public Display of Mechanics) and then heard them tell the waitress that they were NCAA softball umpires staying at the Hilton (next door to the Marriott where we baseball umpires were). What a bunch of slobs Anyway, I am going to Chicago for a CBUA association meeting on Sunday morning so I might not go up until SaturDAY and save a night of hotel.

sounds like the Army. Get one story or piece of advice one place and then a different bit of advice or story from another. Sounds like Brian is getting a little bit of less than complete advice, too but it may be the region he works in. Brian, you aren't asking guys you might be competing with for jobs are you? Some people are very territorial when it comes to assignments. I am an umpire junkie- gear, meetings, internet fourms, DVD's, camps, rule books, training materials. I have a problem, I guess. I cannot get enough. Anyway, hope you can afford to go to a clinic THIS year and then they won't be able to tell you that next fall if you try again.

they have an offer in the inside cover contained in the text of Dick Honig's letter wishing us happy holidays, etc. I did this two years ago and it is time to do it again. A gift certificate of $200 or more gets you a 15% discount. I will be spending a significant amount on my yearly update gear anyway (two pairs of poly-wools, four new association hats should get me to at least $200). I have to look at the prices and count it up. If you are spending the money anyway it is dumb not to take advantage of it. It's like free money.

Warren: You are correct the east coast guys work for Nick Zibelli and the clinic for that region is in Philly this year. You are sort of like me in the respect that you live on the edge of two regions. I understand you work mostly in VA and most of those guys work for Nick. The North Carolina schools (most of them are in the Southeast and those guys work for Tony Thompson. My local college association, Southeast Independent Umpires Association (SIUA) is headquartered in Louisville. We work the non-conference games for most D-1 schools in KY(All but Western Kentucky and Murray State) and I think we work all of the D-2's in conjunction with the CBUA (the midwest region where Rich Fetchiet is the coordinator). I am also a member of the CBUA so I can work the D-2 and D-3 games assigned by that group (at least I am eligible this year-I have yet to get my schedule at this point). We also work a number of other D-3 schools and NAIA schools in Kentucky other than the Mid-South Conference (an independent NAIA group consisting of mostly guys I work Central Kentucky High School games with makes up that organization). Brian: Your facts are similar to mine in regard to how it works for entry. I went to a college camp in fall 2007 at Austin Peay University in Clarksville, TN called the Music City Umpires Camp. The camp was reviewed by me on this website. Before the camp I had been introduced to one of our board members, a former Professional Umpire now working conference games in the SEC and ACC-he got his first Super-Regional assignment this year, Jay Asher. Jay sent me the camp info and I went. After the camp, Jay and some other guys in SIUA invited me to work some college scrimmages at NAIA, D-3 and finally D-1 level. I guess I did okay and was invited to join SIUA. The first year, 2008, I was only assigned some NAIA non-conference games at first (most of which got cancelled due to weather). Then I picked up part of a D-2 conference series at Kentucky State that had been rescheduled due to weather (I was available-they started play at 9:00 AM on a Tuesday-remember I teach and we were on spring break). I finally got assigned an NAIA conference double header late in the season. Total of about 20 games assigned originally and I worked ten or twelve of them. I asked if I could attend the 2008 Atlanta NCAA clinic and was told it would not hurt me but it would not be required until I was a conference umpire. As Tony Thompson said in his letter, it is encouraged for umpire development. I know stand and deliver/on-the-field training is usually the best but the training I got from this clinic was OUTSTANDING. (without having to stand). I am a visual and aural learner primarily and it worked for me. They had videos, powerpoints and lots of discussions and QandA with many of the umpires actually depicted in the videos. They miked the 2007 CWS umpires and recorded them for training purposes. We heard the arguments and calls, of note was one between Dave Buck and The old man Rice Coach (I forgot his name) about a balk call from first and another balk call argument between Arizona State's coach and Buck again. I learned alot about how these guys think and handle situations. That is what gets you to that level once you are a good balls and strikes man and can consistently demonstrate good judgment, timing and positioning -the way you handle situations and people. So, yes it is expensive. No, it will not guarantee that you get any college games. In my case not too many games last year and no guarantee for this year but at least the powers-that-be know I am serious. I met almost all of the board members of my local association, I renewed my acquaintances with current conference umpires in the SEC/ACC/Atlantic Sun/OVC/Big South, etc. conferences at the Atlanta Conference last year. I met some other guys that I have now seen work on TV during the NCAA tourney last year. The guy I want to work for, Tony Thompson, has seen my face a few times (he was at the Austin Peay Camp in 2007, the Middle Tennessee State camp in 2008 and I went to his International Umpires camp this fall.) You cannot say that I am not trying. I drive so it doesn't cost me that much. I don't get to go to the Conference meetings but I still hang around in the hall and lobby and meet people. Last year during Breakfast I had a conversation with Dave Yeast about the training I received the day before. I told him the video situations helped me tremendously. Last year they sold a DVD/CD of the conference videos and powerpoints. I bought it and shared some of it with my high school association to train newer umpires in situations. We can always get better, in my opinion. I learn more from teaching someone else a new skill. In summary, it helped me in many ways both tangible and intangible in my quest to make it to my goal-An NCAA D-1 Conference Umpire in the SEC and ACC. (I have also decided that I would not mind being a Big-East or Big 10 umpire either but I have not yet worked anything in Rich Fetcheit's arena. Hoping to work some D-2 Great Lakes Valley Conference and D-3 Heartland Collegiate Athletic Conference this year.) I know it is a regional thing but I cannot help but believe that anyone who can afford it would benefit in some way. If you have not yet associated with a college umpiring group then it is probably best to wait. I am merely trying to help.

Listed below is a copy, verbatim, of a memo I received from my college assigner from Tony Thompson, Umpire Coordinator for all major conferences in the Southeastern United States inviting all current non-conference collegiate umpires to the Atlanta clinic. I think that all prospective collegiate umpires should also be invited so I urge all who can afford the time and expense should make plans and attend. There is an alternate hotel as well if you are too late for the Marriott or want to save about $60 to $70 bucks on a room for two nights. Hope to see some of you there. Dave TO: All Collegiate Baseball Umpires FROM: Tony Thompson DATE: December 8, 2008 SUBJECT: College Baseball Umpires Super Clinic,, Atlanta, Georgia The agenda and information for the clinic to be held Saturday-Sunday, January 17-18, 2009, in Atlanta, GA is below: The NCAA adopted the Southeastern Regions Super Clinic format (for all NCAA clinics) that has been in place since 1999. In previous clinics we had over 600 umpires from the various Southeastern states. We encourage attendance by any non-conference umpire. The NCAA and all Southeast geographical conferences are committed to the overall umpire improvement program and the development of a consistent training program for all college umpires. (Any level). The inclusion of umpires from regional assigning agencies who will be working non-conference games (required to be approved by the Conference coordinator of umpires, DI only) is a vital process and step in the development program and we encourage attendance for both days of the clinic. If you are an assignor for a local or regional collegiate umpiring association, please forward this information to your members. This clinic will be an excellent educational event for any college umpire and help to identify and train umpires at the Division I, II, III level in the Southeast. Prior to the clinic all umpires need to register on the NCAA website or you may register in person the opening day of the clinic. An agenda and listing of meeting topics and schedule are attached. If you or your assignor for non-conference or any collegiate games has any questions, please contact Coordinator of Baseball Umpires, Tony Thompson by E-mail at, scollump@aol.com. Best wishes for a peaceful and fulfilling holiday season and we look forward to seeing you in Atlanta. /s/ Tony Thompson Conference Hotel: Atlanta Marriott Marquis 265 Peachtree Center Avenue Atlanta, Georgia 30303 404-521-0000 NCAA Room Rate - $139.00 + Tax (15%) Valet Parking: $26.00 nightly, Vans and SUV’s: $32.00 nightly Cut Off Date – December 19, 2008 Alternate Hotel: Sheraton Atlanta Hotel – Downtown (3 blocks South of the Marriott Marquis) 165 Courtland Street, Atlanta, GA 30303 404-659-6500 Room Rate: King or Double: $105.00 + tax (15%) Contact Person: Christine Thompson Parking: Valet $24.00 nightly, Self Park $18.00 Refer to Reservations Group Name: Southern Umpires Group Reservation web site link: http://www.starwoodmeeting.com/Book/umpires Cut Off Date – December 30, 2008

Excellent information Jim. I read your blog post too. I guess they taught you well at ol' Centre College. I, too have had a class or two in statistical analysis and research ethics and methods so I read every statistical report with a seriously jaundiced view. I applaud the kids for at least taking up the study and I appreciate your commentary about the study. I would also like a more scientific, and in-depth study of all the masks both styles and the various materials available. Either the government should require it or someone should commission it like MiLB is doing for the amateur umpires with all the concussion problems they are having. Maybe some equipment seller like yourself could do so and get some free advertising out of it? Although the technology to measure the g-forces would probably cost a pretty penny. On the other hand, with our litigous society, you probably would be buying a lawsuit from some unhappy manufacturer. (that's the lawyer in me talking there)

All these great responses. You guys have been at it all day and where have I been? I found some great soldier blogs on Afghanistan and Iraq and have been reading about the daily life of grunts and ex-grunts that are now highly paid contractors in "the sandbox" and "the 'ghan". Anyway, I don't know where to begin with the running commentary. Neighborhood play-try to call what I see but I have allowed it in college games and legion games and some very, very good summer travel teams of 17 yo and up age. Only at second base on DP's which are out by 8-10 steps. Note: the ''big dogs" from my college association and the trainers at the college clinics and the pro umpires I know tell me that when a game is on TV you must call it as it actually is. The TV slo-mo replay makes you look like an a-hole and incompetent. Because, as we know, ALL TV announcers just don't get the game, even if they played it. Phantom tag-same thing. Usually at second only but sometimes at third when the runner is out by a country mile AND the game is out of hand. Kind of like I do my FYC. Game out of hand and winning team is stealing and bunting. I call everybody out on winners when I am on bases and almost every pitch that is remotely close a strike when I am on the plate. Games must be 14 or more run differential and summer stuff or super high school playing podunk high school team to invoke that methodology and rule. Sometimes I think the winning coach does that crap just to get some outs and get it over with. I have never heard anything from a coach in that situation. Only parents and stupid ASSistant coaches (usually daddies pretending to be coaches) complain. Sorry I am not replying to some of the great and witty reparte' you guys have been sharing all day. Again, great thread. Alibi commentary as to working solo: I never advocated it and had avoided it up until this fall. I volunteered to work a D-1 homecoming weekend alumni versus active players game at Eastern Kentucky U. Nobody else showed up. I got an assistant coach to call at first. The first hit and he did not rotate into the infield for the potential play at second even though I told him to before the game. I always come out in front of the plate on all hits with no runners on and I jogged a little past the mound when I saw he wasn't rotating in. No play so I figured it was all well. Told him what to do between innings and he missed it again. Again, no play at second so all is well but I decided I would have to take all plays in the infield at second and third and probably throwback to first and in case of overthrows get back home too. The alums had several former pro players and several current high school baseball coaches in their ranks so they were actually winning until the 7th or 8th when their pitching ran out. I ran my ass off but I swear I did not miss a play. It was fun but I would not recommend doing it in a game that mattered at any level, even on a 60' diamond. Good thing I was in shape.

I highly recommend you do so. A lot of high schools now have access to an indoor facility or a cage in their gym. Go there when pitchers are throwing bullpens in the winter without a batter so you get used to having a ball thrown at you. I teach high school and our coach is a friend of mine. When I first started umpiring I would go and call balls and strikes in the cages/indoor bullpens then called during live batting practice and finally called both pre-season scrimmages for the school I teach at before I did a real HS game. It helped tremendously. I now work college and I get to work some D-1 intersquads in January and early February but I still go call balls and strikes during pitchers bullpen workouts at our HS on Sundays before I work the plate in a D-1 scrimmage. So far, so good. Get another more experienced umpire to watch you and critique you. You should ask someone to film you if possible. I film my friends working the dish with my cell phone and e-mail it to them.

I loved watching him work and used his work ethic and pitch selection as teaching points when I coached. Who is the better pitcher? Maddux or Randy Johnson? I would ask my players and since none of them threw 98 and left handed I tried to influence them to throw nerf balls and control like Maddux. He was more successful based upon post season success, in my opinion. I loved him in the Nike-"Chicks dig the long ball" commercial. I still have that one saved in my videos on my PC.

I agree with UIC and Larry. Coaches asking for your contact information is usually a good thing.

from players, coaches, game management and workers, etc. I have had several parents of losing teams come up to me as I leave the field and introduce themselves and compliment me on a good game. Since they didn't win and seem sincere I think those are good ones to receive. They don't have a dog in the fight anymore. At a tournament mill near here where there are hundreds of games a summer (six or seven fields, ages 8-19 served) the kids waiting on the next game will come up to the fence and ask me while I am working the bases if I have the plate the next game. When I say yes they do the "yessssss!" thing and when I say "no" they usually awwww unless I am working with my 22 year old son or my man Harvey, the State Trooper who looks like Robocop/roboump. Both of whom I deem to be very good umpires. I really like it when all three of us work together as we all three love what we are doing and I think it shows to the participants and supporters. Of course other experienced or accomplished umpires who are watching you when they aren't working are a good resource too. Especially when it is your assigner watching you work the plate while considering you for post-season tournament assignments. I like receiving his compliments in post game. Sometimes I get them from him and sometimes not. Since I got to work four games last year in two different regions I think I did okay. The keys, I think, are to: 1.) know the rules 2.) be consistent 3.) hustle 4.) be approachable, and 5.) have fun.

I have only been umpiring officially, with a card, for three years. I coached for 18 years and the last six years were American Legion Jr. and Sr. level (for those that don't know, Jr's = up to age 17 and Sr's= up to age 19). The first year I had ZERO ejections. I tended to let coaches walk all over me. I took a lot of crap and although I knew the rules and hustled my ass off I missed calls and was in the wrong place occasionally. Plus, I was unsure of myself. I had to work a lot of HS JV and middle school ball that year where anything can happen. Second year, mostly lesser quality HS varsity. Not so good baseball but zero ejections during HS season. Then the summer tournament season began. It was hot, some of the baseball was bad and I worked at a local tournament mill in Central Kentucky where the teams paid $300 to $ 400 to play. I worked with a lot of more senior umpires and they got on me to quit letting coaches gripe and complain about any call. I took their advice. My first EJ was a coach I had coached against several years earlier who stayed at the 13 and 14 year old level. He argued balls and strikes and said that if I threw him out it would be the best call I made all day. I took him up on the offer and gave him the big heave ho. I later figured out that his team was not playing well and he was just trying to fire them up. I had popped my cherry and now I was a no crap-taking ejection machine. 18 more that summer. Some players for throwing bats, helmets, cussing. Mostly coaches for arguing and acting like a-holes. Last year, two ejections during HS and college (NAIA, NCAA Div II and III) season. The first was an NCAA DIII coach for dropping the F-bomb on family day Sunday from the top step after he accepted an explanation on a call. (his guy stealing never made the bag on a wet clay soil field and was tagged in the back by F4 after a terrible throw.) I think he was trying to fire his team up as they were down by 5 and scored 9 in that inning after the EJ. The second was on HS opening day. Defending State Champions at home with their ace pitcher (not throwing that day) at the plate with 2 runners on and one out (this kid already had 3RBI in the first inning). I rung him up on a nasteeeeee! curve ball that dropped off the table on the outer half (pitcher that threw it is now a DI football player in the SEC. Catcher butchered it but it was a great pitch. This kid slams his bat on the plate and yells "that's bull***t". I tell him "14 you're done for today". His coach comes out for an explanation as he didn't hear the kid curse due to fans yelling (huge crowd for opening day). Coach says "but Dave, it's only the effin' first game!" I say, "I know Mick, and its only the effin' third inning! Can you believe it?" We both laugh and go on with the game. His team wins. I had them six or seven more times during the season without so much as a peep or question from coaches or players on that team at any of their games. The rest of the HS and college seasons I had no EJ's. Summer ball, many games at the same venues with only one or two EJ's for kids throwing bats and helmets (a pet peeve of mine). I know for a fact from more than one coach and other umpires that my rep is now that I am a no BS umpire who will eject without much provocation. I like that rep and hope it continues. I guess I want to echo the commentary from Michael Taylor that they run in spurts and after you get a reputation that you will eject they don't push it or you anymore. I think that after enough games you get a feel for when to eject and for what. Thanks for reading.

Michael: Amen brother! Too much asking for help these days. Rules interpretations, where to place runners after obstruction/interference are the exceptions.

I don't really follow much of his advice and I agree with you that some guys and groups are like packs. Since you know him I defer to you. Sometimes it is the area you work. Sometimes it is your personality and how you handle controversy. Since I was a trial attorney, a paratrooper, jumpmaster, combat arms Army officer and now a high school football coach and teacher, I feel qualified to state that I think I have specialized in highly stressful situations, controversy and conflict (of one kind or another) for almost all of my adult life. I love the game and I think my enthusiasm shows and that usually puts most coaches and players at ease. Some folks just are bent on starting a fight or complaining about everything that they don't like. It is those times that the hardass comes out. I don't go looking for a fight and where I work I rarely have much trouble. (summer youth travel ball tourneys are the biggest problem area for me) However, when they get out of control, I subscribe to the death penalty for those coaches (and sometimes players) that are out of control-the big ejection (which for me, by the way, is rarely a big finger and heave ho) by way of sauntering over to the offender( if he is hiding in the dugout) or just stating it matter of factly if standing in front of me "coach you're done for today" and then walking away. I really just want to get the game back on track and end the sideshow. It is not about the coaches and parents. It is about the game and the players, ALWAYS. I try my best to keep that in focus. I don't think I am a disciple of Pete's. He is just someone who entertains me by writing, better than I can, about some things I care very much about-baseball and umpiring baseball. I hope I don't come across as thinking that I am higher and mightier. I most certainly am not. I am just a guy who loves the game and being a part of the game. To paraphrase my signature block on Officiating.com-We are the stewards of baseball, the game itself. Our customers are not the players, coaches and parents, our customer is the game. Thanks to all for keeping this thread running. It is quite a lot of fun reading all the posts and adding my two cents worth here and there. Thanks to all for the nominations. It is quite flattering to see that someone enjoys reading my musings and commentary.

I agree with some of your commentary. I do get tired of the whining and complaining at that level. He was lucky and I bet they all know that he is a professional umpire in his neck of the woods. I have not worked a game for almost a month and I am starting to miss it. Kind of reminds me of the J. Geils Band song: "the good times are the bad times, the bad times fade away..." Once away from it for a short a period of time as a month you tend to forget the bad stuff. I will say this. There is an article series on Officiating.com by Peter Osborne currently (you have to be a paid member to read it) that recommends being like Stalin in situations where you know beforehand that you are going to have trouble or dissension. Make an example of someone early and you probably won't have to deal with too many of them later. (In Stalin's world that meant executions) For some coaches an ejection is a sort of like an execution-especially for those daddy-coaches that are protecting and pushing junior the future major leaguer. I think I kind of subscribe to that theory myself. I am a lot more of a hardass when the coaches and parents are complainers and whiners. I know it is not appropriate but last year I had adults/parents sniping back and forth across the stands. I called them on it and embarassed them in front of everyone and it stopped. Some parents even yelled "thanks blue", etc. So, you don't have to put up with it. I sure don't.

I also truly love THE GAME itself. I love the traditions, the rules (as arcane and complex as they sometimes are), the crack of the bat (I especially like doing wood bat tournaments), the pop of a smoking fastball sinking into a mitt. The dirt, the dust, the chatter of the players (even though there is little of it these days), the cheer of the crowd on a good hit or good defensive play. I love it all. What I don't like is the over emphasis on winning and the daddy coaches and pushy mommas screaming at their own kid for making a mistake. I have a minor league umpire friend. He sends long, story telling, soul searching e-mails to many of his friends and acquaintenances semi-regularly. I got one from him today that I will quote. This guy works spring training, a long 140 plus game season then goes home in the fall and worked some college fall ball. He also worked some 13 year old tournament this fall and wrote about the thrill of calling youth ball. I sometimes get snobby as he mentions about the level of ball I work. I do like the higher levels, especially the college division I level but his commentary today gave me a "get real" perspective that made me think and need to respond to this thread. He said: "Some of the other baseball I was able to get was still fall ball but not quite the college level. I had the privilege of working a couple of 13 year old tournament games and I had a blast doing it. Not only was I able to work with some old friends who have helped me along the way but I got to see baseball played at a level where the kids had a good handle on what they were doing but were still young enough to really enjoy the game as only kids can do. The highlight for me was, and what really brought home the difference between professional ball and amateur ball was a play I had a third base. I ended up calling a runner safe at third as he had slide under a tag. The ball was there long before the runner but the third baseman just didn't get his glove down in time. Now in the South Atlantic League there is a pretty good chance I am going to have to explain this play to someone in the middle of the infield after the dust settles. However in this game I had the defensive manager compliment me on a great call and the offensive manager compliment the third baseman on a good try and then explain to him what he needed to do for next time. It really was a great experience for me all the way around. I will never understand umpires who reach a certain level in their career and then all of a sudden decide they won't work young kid's games anymore. That is where you first learned to love umpiring and you should go back to not only regain that love you had for the game when you first started but to give back to the kids and other young umpires that can learn from you." Man, that says a boatload about some of us and the way we need to approach the game we have the privilege to be associated with. Hope that touched you like it did me. Minor League umpires are prohibited by contract from commenting on web message boards so I cannot disclose his identity nor do I want to. It doesn't really matter. The point for me is that this guy gets it. I think I do. He was working in the SAL this year and took time out of his day before he worked a professional game that night to come and watch me work a 15 year old tourney game behind the plate and give me a very long and detailed written evaluation which he discussed with me at length over wings and big boy pop for me, tea for him that evening. I know it made me better. He would not take money for the service. He wanted to work a game with me but could not due to his contract. What a friend and a true lover of the game and umpiring. I hope I can stay in touch with him and that he makes it to the show. A guy like this deserves to make it. My humble opinion. Thanks for reading.

I know a guy who got one of his balls blasted off by an 8 year old pitching machine level player. This guy was league president feeding the pitching machine from about 30 feet away and a line drive busted him right in the groin. He laid on the field "crying" and moaning about 30 minutes until the ambulance came. The doctor, who is now a friend of mine and a former D-1 catcher at Xavier U in Cincinnati, took one look and said it was not repairable thus my acquaintance, "the pres", is now old one-ball. He actually did the deed with his wife earlier than the doc wanted him to and got an abcess and lost the other one. However, the randy devil impregnated his wife with their third child before the abcess got the second one. This guy is not too bright and wanted to sue the doctor but no dice finding another doctor to say it was malpractice on the abcess. His older kids have impregnated other teenagers and been impregnated as well (one boy, one girl). That family's gene pool is very shallow I assure you. So, you can create a bigger problem with only one. I have seen it. Another story. A soldier of mine in the Army was stroking a deployed soldier's wife when he was a younger soldier and got caught when the deployed guy came back. As part of his punishment he caught a 12 guage shell in the groin blowing off one of his "jewels". This "brain surgeon" carried multiple shot and fragments in his unit and pelvic region and fathered six kids with one ball. I saw his x-rays. He was quite proud of his survival from this act and deed. He was a good soldier but not too bright either. He retired with 25 years as an E-7 instead of E-8 or 9. I only hope that some guys who don't wear adequate protection lose them both so they cannot reproduce but, alas, it usually works out for them to be multiple-children parents.

If I was modest. But I have no qualms about getting strip stark naked and dressing in the back of my trunk in a parking lot. That should be the incentive for some programs to put in an officials' locker room. I was in the buff powdering up between games of a DH this summer and some GLM came up to get something out of her SUV. She was taking a good long look and when I caught her looking she hurried away. (good thing it was summer- no shrinkage. You Seinfeld fans will know what I mean) I guess I should know better but so far, no complaints. Fortunately I only work two or three places without locker rooms/restrooms I can change in. I think it would be a good product to use though. The cost is reasonable. I don't like the large logo on the side but since I teach marketing I understand the reason and necessity for doing so.

Your short list reminds me of the Bill Engvall bit about Here's your sign (stupid). Preparation H has a warning on the label that says it is not to be taken orally. No Shi+! They probably got a letter or worse, got sued by some attorney representing the moron. "Dear Preparation H: I have been taking your product for about 3 weeks now. My hemorrhoids are still large and painful but my mouth is now so small I can barely fit a pea through it. What do you suggest?" Sort of a Darwin's theory of evolution-survival of the fittest argument applied to modern times. Unfortunately, they keep producing and producing until our worldwide gene pool is so shallow it reminds you of a rain puddle in the street. An idiocracy in the making I tell you.

And, I go an extra step and have two of almost everything. (I drive a pickup truck with a cover on the bed.) I especially like having two shirts in most colors so if my partner is a cheap B#$*@&D and only has Navy and/or Powder and I want to wear black or cream or polo blue with black collar, I can. With the inexpensive cost of shirts from Officials Choice and my penchant for disregarding numbers on the sleeve, we match and no one is the wiser. Hats are a problem though.