All the things I want to do

[umpire_scott]

I thought it would be fun to list all the things we want to do or say, but can't do to lack of professionalism. I always tell my wife that I plan on doing these things on my last known day as an umpire. I'll start:

When I hear a fan or coach complain about a ball/strike with something stupid like "that was right over the middle of the plate" or incredulously yells "where was that one". I want to walk over to where they are and calmly sit down. When they ask what I'm doing I'll say "Well you clearly have a better view of the strike zone, so I thought I'd call the rest of the game from here. Play ball!"

[Jocko]

Our UIC did exactly that, right before he EJed the douche.

[umpire_scott]

Your UIC is my hero.

[semper_fi_72]

I want to go over to a 3B coach who either holds up a runner that could have scored easily or sends one that is thrown out at the plate easily and say "You blew that one coach. Your missing a good game here".

[Jocko]

I want to get nose to nose with HC during his rant and tell him "you're full of s**t. You're no f***ing good. F**k you. You're a liar, Coach. A LIAR. Better get goin coach. Better get goin." Maybe do the woodpecker on his head with my cap like a DI.

[Dannytheman]

I want to get nose to nose with HC during his rant and tell him "you're full of s**t. You're no f***ing good. F**k you. You're a liar, Coach. A LIAR. Better get goin coach. Better get goin." Maybe do the woodpecker on his head with my cap like a DI.

Now don't hold back, tell us exactly what you'd do... :HD:

[Jocko]

I want to get nose to nose with HC during his rant and tell him "you're full of s**t. You're no f***ing good. F**k you. You're a liar, Coach. A LIAR. Better get goin coach. Better get goin." Maybe do the woodpecker on his head with my cap like a DI.

Now don't hold back, tell us exactly what you'd do...

[JaxRolo]

I want to get nose to nose with HC during his rant and tell him "you're full of s**t. You're no f***ing good. F**k you. You're a liar, Coach. A LIAR. Better get goin coach. Better get goin." Maybe do the woodpecker on his head with my cap like a DI.

Now don't hold back, tell us exactly what you'd do...

One of my favorite clips!

You think that would fly in todays hyper-sensitive culture?

[Jocko]

I want to get nose to nose with HC during his rant and tell him "you're full of s**t. You're no f***ing good. F**k you. You're a liar, Coach. A LIAR. Better get goin coach. Better get goin." Maybe do the woodpecker on his head with my cap like a DI.

Now don't hold back, tell us exactly what you'd do...

One of my favorite clips!

You think that would fly in todays hyper-sensitive culture?

Bill Haller is my hero.

[Jocko]

For the record, Earl Weaver WAS inducted in Cooperstown, and NOT for "f***ing up World Series"

[Haid D' Salaami]

how about when a team makes an error, I want to say "hey skip, that one's on you".. or to the player..

"wow you suck"

[Jocko]

Blue, That's TERRIBLE!

Sure is. Y'all oughta practice more.