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Is this where I get to vent about my partner who, in order to be awful, would have to get better? I worked with him before, so I knew I wouldn't have a partner who could umpire to any degree. He showed up 10 minutes to game time and asked if I minded if he did the plate. I did mind, since I was nearly dressed already, and was just waiting to see what color shirt he was wearing so I could try to match him. If I had an arrow sticking in one eye and poured lye in the other, my strike zone would be more consistent than his. That really was the primary reason I minded, but I figured I couldn't say that to him. He parked about 200 yards away from me and waited at his car while I put ball bags on my belt and pulled out a shirt to match him. While on the bases, he made it all the way to the top of the second before he missed a play at third by banging out a runner who beat the throw and the tag by a clear margin. He made up for lost time by proceeding to miss 5 more plays in the next 4 innings. Fortunately(?) he missed three for each team, which made both teams equally enraged. Further, he butchered both safe calls and out calls. So all in all, I guess you could say he had a balanced game. His call were so offensive that I had to intercede between him and the AC of the VT. The coach was justifiably upset, and rather than run the coach, I rodeo clowned him. My partner came in between most half innings, and despite me finding ways to avoid speaking to him - like going to each bench to verify the score (no scorebaord in the park), did not get the message that I did not want him near me. On the plus side, I got plunked for the first time this season and the 13u game went 7 innings in 2:05. Oh the joys of last minute time switches.