"I might get dinged on my evaluation for that."

[Rulekeep]

I'm in the dugout and my umpiring mentor, who is working the game (and also probably has 20/200 vision, to be honest), walks over to inspect our bats. He looks at two or three and I say "They were all legal last week." He drops the one he was holding and as he walks away, he says with complete seriousness, "Oh, well, never mind then. Carry on." Thirty seconds later he comes back and says "I'll probably get dinged on my evaluation for that." So he sorta feebly pats at the other bats and jogs out into position. Later in the game he makes this noise of disgust as the HPU (who we call Muppet Ump and has a history of leaving the game to get hosed in the bathroom) calls a pitch that LITERALLY HIT THE PLATE a strike. Another few of my buddies came into the park wearing MLB black and gray pants as I'm warming up and I yell at them "Ev! Bob! Didja just come from baseball?! Where's your navy?" And they say "We match, don't we?"
"No! He's wearing heather and you're wearing charcoal!"
"GEEK!"

Such nice fellows, umpires.