Apparently Size Matters

[UmpAgain]

I’m calling a varsity HS school game.  Second-tier suburban team hosting an inner-city team.  In my area, the inner-city teams are usually awful, but the kids love it and have a good time.  It’s unusual for them to play the suburban teams.  Before the game even starts, visitor, inner city, coach (Charlie) comes out to me and says, “Sorry Steve, I used up my pitchers this week because of make-up games so my starter has never pitched before”.  I die a little inside and we get started.

After giving up eight runs in the bottom of the first even with my zone expanded to the size of a hippopotamus, they’re making a pitching change.  During the switch, my partner comes up and tells me he doesn’t think the catcher is wearing a cup.  We walk over to the visitor coach.  By the way he was very nice through this whole encounter, although somewhat bewildered.

Steve: Charlie, is your catcher wearing a cup?

Charlie: I don’t know.

Steve: Charlie, remember when I asked you at the plate meeting about your players being appropriately and legally equipped?   This is what I was talking about.  Can you ask him?

Charlie: I don’t speak Spanish.

    I give him the “oh come on look.”

Charlie: Hey Juan, come over here.

    Juan comes over.

Charlie: Ask Renaldo if he is wearing a cup.

    Juan asks in Spanish. Renaldo looks over, wide-eyed and slowly shakes his head no.

Steve: Can you find one?

Charlie: I don’t think any of my players have a cup.  I’m sorry, I didn’t know – it’s my first year coaching.

Steve: Charlie, I can’t let your player play catcher without a cup.

    There some chatter and rummaging in the dugout, but nothing but blank stares after. 

Mike (Home team coach, who was in the 3rd base coaches box): Let me see what I can do.

    Mike runs over to the dugout, speaks to his players and returns.

Mike: I think we got you covered, hold on a minute.

    Starting pitcher for the home team comes over and tosses a cup to the catcher.

Pitcher: Here you go.  And you can keep it … (he’s now jogging back to his dugout)

Pitcher (over his shoulder but loud enough for all to hear): I needed to get a bigger one anyway!!!

 

-Steve
 

[MadMax]

1 hour ago, UmpAgain said:

Pitcher: Here you go.  And you can keep it … (he’s now jogging back to his dugout)

Pitcher (over his shoulder but loud enough for all to hear): I needed to get a bigger one anyway!!!

If I was a catcher on his (same) team, I’d quip, “Well, you’re a 🐴 horse’s ass, too, so it fits!” 

[ArchAngel72]

"Yeah sorry to hear about your case of elephantiasis.  I hope they figure out the cure before it kills you"

 

[mac266]

You covered it at the plate meeting; the liability is on the coach.  I wouldn't pick that booger!