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Umpire in Chief

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Army (National Guard) 2000-present. All-Source Intelligence Analyst (now Senior Sergeant.)

Can't tell you much more than that. We did the longest combat tour in Operation Iraqi Freedom, and because of my civilian education and roles, I've had the opportunity to work on some very-well known things that I can't discuss.

This is me making a mud angel in southern Iraq on New Year's Eve 2006.

 

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A Marine dies in combat and wakes up in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. "
Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.
 
Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?
 
Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.
 
Counselor: Hell's not so bad, We actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?
 
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine.
 
Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?
 
Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
 
Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what?
You are going to love Tuesdays.
 
Do you like to fight?
 
Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine!
 
Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?
 
Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't!
 
Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, Because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! you are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?
 
Marine: OF COURSE NOT! I’M A MARINE!!
 
Counselor: Oh, you're going to hate Fridays.
 
 . . . Semper Fi :-)
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