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Post Game Encounter with a Coach


umpire20
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As a side note, this happened earlier in the fall, but I wasn't an active member until recently.

After a 9U "wreck" league fall ball game (both teams were awful and seemed as if they didn't want to be there) the head coach of one of the teams caught up with me on the way to my car and tried to give me some "constructive criticism" about my strike zone and how he thought I called some "questionably outside strikes". I didn't want to give him any of my time, so I kept on walking with him beside me and when he was finished saying what he had to say I just said "Sorry, I don't take any advice from coaches" and walked ahead of him so I could get to my car more quickly. Those are the only words I said during the whole encounter and when I said that he stopped in his tracks and then muttered "Hey I thought you called a nice game though!". Were my mannerisms too cold towards him? Personally, I think he thought he could give me advice because he was significantly older than me.

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As a side note, this happened earlier in the fall, but I wasn't an active member until recently.

After a 9U "wreck" league fall ball game (both teams were awful and seemed as if they didn't want to be there) the head coach of one of the teams caught up with me on the way to my car and tried to give me some "constructive criticism" about my strike zone and how he thought I called some "questionably outside strikes". I didn't want to give him any of my time, so I kept on walking with him beside me and when he was finished saying what he had to say I just said "Sorry, I don't take any advice from coaches" and walked ahead of him so I could get to my car more quickly. Those are the only words I said during the whole encounter and when I said that he stopped in his tracks and then muttered "Hey I thought you called a nice game though!". Were my mannerisms too cold towards him? Personally, I think he thought he could give me advice because he was significantly older than me.

I personally have not had this happen, so I can't relate. But I would just listen to what he had to say. If he starts critizing you, then walk away. But if not, you can just listen to him say what he wanted to say. 

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20, one of the things that distinguishes coaches that know what they are doing from ones that don't are the pitches they complain about. Smart coaches will want strikes called for their pitcher. They will expect strikes called based on how their catcher sets up and receives pitches. Also, they will understand that their view of pitches from the dugout or coaches box precludes them from being able to tell if a pitch is inside or outside. Most importantly, they will know that they should not be following an umpire off the field to discuss balls and strikes. If you can listen politely while moving along and resist the temptation to try and educate them all at once you'll be a lot less stressed when you get home for dinner. Good luck, have a good time, don't miss strikes. Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk

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when he was finished saying what he had to say I just said "Sorry, I don't take any advice from coaches" and walked ahead of him so I could get to my car more quickly.

I think what you said was kind of rude...kind of snarky...but I've seen worse. He wasn't asking you pointed questions, so you really didn't need to respond at all. Unless I want to get into it with a coach, I don't respond at all...I keep walking and ignore him. If you wanted him to stop following you towards your car, you should have just told him that, "Sir, the game is done, I'm going to my vehicle, please stop following me now."

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If he's not yelling or bitching, I'll let him give me his "advice." I don't mind listening, and maybe he'll say something useful. When he's done, or when I determine that his "advice" is worthless, I'll smile and say, "OK, thanks coach." And we're done. I don't like it when people are confrontational with me + Golden Rule = you see the point.

The OP attributes the guy's unsolicited advice to the OP's being younger, but in my experience that has little to do with it. Many people in our great nation seem to think that they're qualified to advise others about practically anything, and they're not at all shy about giving their 2¢. If you think about it, it's pretty presumptuous to say to someone, "You know what your problem is?"

I generally don't like non-partners around the car when I'm changing, so I'll sometimes ask that they give me whatever privacy I can get in a parking lot, which tends to send most people on their way.

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Thanks guys! I felt bad about it on the way home. I definitely could have been more approachable and friendly. He wasn't at any point making me feel threatened, so I could have listened to him more attentively. Not that I wasn't approachable during the 2015 season, but I definitely need to work on being a little more courteous to coaches for the 2016 season. I think I went into some games this year automatically assuming some coaches were out to get the umpire. Thanks again for the advice guys.

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Learn the magic phrase "I'll take that under consideration". That consideration may take 1/2 second of "this guy knows nothing" or it may be something you ponder and actually change. Either way, it makes you sound approachable and reasonable, and it doesn't commit you to anything. The coach feels heard, it's a win-win.

If you happen to see this same coach again (in my area we typically see the same few coaches over and over and over - yours may be different), you could even mention that you had a lot on your mind the last time you spoke, and that you felt like you may have come off as cold and that wasn't the way you intended it. Again, it's honest and could smooth the waters.

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I am sure he was only worried about the questionably outside strikes that you gave his pitcher and not his opponent....:rolleyes:
 

Lots of great replies above...my $.02, listen to the coach, tell him thanks (like @maven said), if there is anything useful in the comments it was worth your listening. If not, then you didn't lose anything because you were walking to the car anyway.

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Thanks guys! I felt bad about it on the way home. I definitely could have been more approachable and friendly. He wasn't at any point making me feel threatened, so I could have listened to him more attentively. Not that I wasn't approachable during the 2015 season, but I definitely need to work on being a little more courteous to coaches for the 2016 season. I think I went into some games this year automatically assuming some coaches were out to get the umpire. Thanks again for the advice guys.

Did it ever cross your mind that the coach might be a D-1 umpire or an experienced umpire just coaching his son's team?  When it's not confrontational it's good to listen.  You don't necessarily have to take his advice to heart, but you might actually pick up something and be able to implement it into your umpiring.  Or maybe not implement it.  And even if it is Wreck ball, act and umpire like you want to be there.  That's a very impressive thing to see in an umpire.

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Thanks guys! I felt bad about it on the way home. I definitely could have been more approachable and friendly. He wasn't at any point making me feel threatened, so I could have listened to him more attentively. Not that I wasn't approachable during the 2015 season, but I definitely need to work on being a little more courteous to coaches for the 2016 season. I think I went into some games this year automatically assuming some coaches were out to get the umpire. Thanks again for the advice guys.

If you stick around here long enough plus go back and read some old treads, I think you'll discover whole new ways of dealing with coaches. I know I did. Game and coach management was probably one of the biggest and most helpful lessons I learned from this site. Also, don't be so quick to think that someone older approaching you is doing it out of age. I'm 40+ and I've had coaches approach me at my vehicle. Most of our coaches recognize our Umpires so a new face stands out and sometimes so does lack of experience (I'm pretty sure my lack of experience stuck out like a sore thumb, okay, maybe mine stuck out more like a the batman signal). Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk
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...I just said "Sorry, I don't take any advice from coaches" and walked ahead of him so I could get to my car more quickly. Those are the only words I said during the whole encounter and when I said that he stopped in his tracks and then muttered "Hey I thought you called a nice game though!". Were my mannerisms too cold towards him? Personally, I think he thought he could give me advice because he was significantly older than me.

Working, 9u games, being young, new to the board - I assume you don't have a lot of experience. Based on your follow-up, you are approachable and willing to listen. Not taking advice from a coach is a bad policy. Like umpires, they know the game, but have a different perspective that you can benefit from. A 9U coach may have less to offer than a varsity Fed coach, but you never know if you don't listen. Next time, be polite until he gives you reason not to be. I really like the way you kept walking while he talked though. 

Mike

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Would that not be more of a Batgirl signal or if we have to be PC a Batwoman signal? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm no SJW so I don't respond to PC blather. Batgirl it is!! (think they'll let me wear her outfit on the field? That would be AWESOME!!!) Sent from my SM-G920P using Tapatalk
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Did it ever cross your mind that the coach might be a D-1 umpire or an experienced umpire just coaching his son's team?  When it's not confrontational it's good to listen.  You don't necessarily have to take his advice to heart, but you might actually pick up something and be able to implement it into your umpiring.  Or maybe not implement it.  And even if it is Wreck ball, act and umpire like you want to be there.  That's a very impressive thing to see in an umpire.

I don't agree with your first sentence at all.  Not with the truthfulness - you may well be right that it could happen.  But that doesn't buy this coach any points from me.  On that day, at that time, that dude is a coach - full stop.  He might have a resume far better than mine, but on that day, he's not a peer.  If he really has input, he ought to find another avenue to get that input to 20 - find an intermediary, but don't approach after the game.

I'm actually surprised that the general tone here so far has been so mellow about it - to me, "approachable" ends when I leave the fenced area.  Otherwise, I only want my partner with me, and maybe someone from my org (IF they weren't one of the coaches).

Put it this way, for anyone who IS a "D-1 umpire or an experienced umpire just coaching his son's team" - don't "Big League" someone after a game.

Edited by HokieUmp
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I also don't want to be followed off the field or to the parking lot. To be honest, as soon as a coach starts giving me advice on how to call a game, it makes me want to give him/her advice on coaching (but I resist - although I have some great 1 liners in my head!!).  I don't mind answering questions, and I'll be cordial but if I get the feeling they think they can criticize or offer me more advice in the parking lot I'll simply say "Sorry coach, this is where you stop and I keep going so I can talk with my game partner. Have a good day." And then I walk away. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have to admit, but reading some of these makes me wonder what this world really is coming to.  It's a GAME.  It's been said here many times before.  You say PLAY to start the GAME. Only to contradict myself, granted, there's "that guy" everywhere you go, but I don't have any trouble with coaches in my local "wreck"  league.  IF 20 were working here, this is how I would imagine that conversation taking place:

Coach:  I'd like to discuss some "questionably outside strikes".

20: Sure thing Dave.  When you're done, I'd like to discuss why you waited so long to make that pitching change.  It changed the whole momentum of the game and kept both of us away from the adult beverages in YOUR garage, and on the field longer than needed.  So please, continue.......

 

 

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  • 2 months later...

I like the "I'll take that under consideration" line.

I think it would be better if you stopped closer to the field, since he's being cordial, let him say his piece, and try to cut it quick with a line like that, and a "I've got to get going. Have a nice night."

This keeps from getting into a confrontation in an area where it's more likely to be you and him and helps you CYA better imo.

If his advice is bad, treat it like a really drunk guy at the bar telling you stories. Tune it out and nod your head. What would Homer Simpson do?

I agree that you do not know who the coach is, I used to do Babe Ruth league where a Big Ten head coach helped coach his son's 9-12 year old teams. But if they are a solid umpire that you should listen to, they're probably going to approach you better than this. They know that they won't want to be approached this way.

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