Funny "one-liners" with coaches.....

[KLAH316]

We all sometimes have humorous quick interactions with coaches so I thought about a thread to post them so we can all share and laugh a bit.

I am PU, manager comes out after a play "Kevin, you can't slide head first" Me: "Yes you can". He walks away. Later manager comes out between innings: "Just so you know, you were right about the head first sliding"

Me: "I know" (with a smile)

[Jocko]

HC- Come on, Ump! That's terrible!

HP- Yeah, you guys really oughta practice

(One of my favorites)

[BRUMP]

I've never done this but this is one of my favorites.

HC- Your missing a good game blue.

ME- I know they assigned me here instead.

[mstaylor]

A manager had been worrying a call of mine but never enough to get tossed, I was fairly young. As we pass their bus he decides to revisit it. My partner ask the coach where his rulebook was. He said he didn't have one. My partner said, evidently, and walked away.

I balked a LH pitcher. Between innings the manager stopped on his way to third ans asked what I saw on the balk. I told him him he started home and moved to first. The manager says he can't do that. I told him, I know, that's why I balked him.

[Richvee]

I've told this before but it belongs in this thread.

I'm BU. Banger @1st..."SAFE"

Jogging over to "B" position, I hear DC yell to PU. "Blue, can he get help on that?"

PU-"Not from me, he can't"

[yawetag]

Working a JV game this year with a small Christian school (home) against a bigger private school. Around the 3rd inning, the HC walks past and says "My boys are doing a good job this year, but they've got a lot to learn." We speak a moment about JV and the instructional value of it.

In that half-inning with 2 outs, his batter hits a towering fly near the home dugout (we're playing at a local semi-pro park). F3's running to attempt the catch when someone in the bench yells, "I got it!" about the same time another player reaches his glove over the rail to attempt the catch himself. Both actions slow F3 down and the ball falls about a foot in front of the railing.

"TIME!" (point to dugout) "That's interference!" (make 'out' motion) "Batter's out!"

Coach walks by me: "What'd I tell you?"

[mstaylor]

I had a game once where I dumped the asst in the first inning. I told the manager several innings later that was no reason to ever get tossed on a rules question. If you don't agree, just protest. He says,"Why is it every time there is a rules question I am on the short end?" After biting a hole in my cheek for giving him the obvious answer I told him," I don't know what to say." I'm thinking because he is an idiot.

[Jocko]

This one happened to me during a 14u tourney in Ga. I'm BU in "C". 3BC gets livid about a non-call. He thinks F1 balked. Neither my partner, nor myself called it. LHP just had a GREAT move. So anyway, 3BC wants to know why it's not a balk. Ignore. He keeps chirping. I finally get a gulletful and call time. I just turned and looked at him without moving. He stands in the box without moving or talking. We stare at each other for 3 or 4 seconds. I turned to my partner and mechaniced the "whenever you're ready" point. HP calls "PLAY!"

3BC - Wait a minute! We didn't talk yet!

HP - You had your shot!

I literally laughed out loud

Only word I said during the whole thing was ,"TIME."

[Minnz]

Varsity game 2nd inning and HC goes to the mound and clearly wants me to come break up the meeting so he can say something about my zone.

HC:"Are you a high or low strike zone umpire?"

Me "I call it like the rule book states."

HC "Well that's BS nobody uses the rulebook what the hell is wrong with you?"

Me "Nothing sir and you are gone now!"

[mstaylor]

I only did it once but a travel ball coach ask me how big my zone was. Sometimes my self censoring button doesn't work so I replied," Well, let's see how the pitching is and then I can decide."

[UmpTTS43]

Working a JV game this year with a small Christian school (home) against a bigger private school. Around the 3rd inning, the HC walks past and says "My boys are doing a good job this year, but they've got a lot to learn." We speak a moment about JV and the instructional value of it.

In that half-inning with 2 outs, his batter hits a towering fly near the home dugout (we're playing at a local semi-pro park). F3's running to attempt the catch when someone in the bench yells, "I got it!" about the same time another player reaches his glove over the rail to attempt the catch himself. Both actions slow F3 down and the ball falls about a foot in front of the railing.

"TIME!" (point to dugout) "That's interference!" (make 'out' motion) "Batter's out!"

Coach walks by me: "What'd I tell you?"

INT only if it was the offensive dugout. If it was the defensive dugout, too bad for them, foul ball.

[NFUA_44]

Had a Varsity game early this spring, HT F2 is a kid I've seen throughout the age groups, solid ball player and quite the comedian. We also both know his coach is a cereal chirper about balls and strikes, and I've run him for it in the past. He had seemed to start to catch on between last year and over the summer prior, figuring out that once he got the stare down he was done.

On this day though great hilarity would ensue. He's already gotten his freebie out of me so he figures he'll get his warning with: "where did that miss?", before I can look over F2 says: "it was in the ball zone" I had to chuckle so badly I couldn't even stare him down, meanwhile coach tells F2 to pipe down and he comes back with: "hey, I just kept you in this game!" At that point I had to step back move around and clean the plate or risk an all out belly laugh that would have gotten me in trouble. My partner is in C ready to fall over. Had to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Great ball game too, 5 to 4 HT in 9 innings.

[MUAump2]

Had one in a youth tournament this summer...DC bitching about balls and strikes, asks "When are you going to start calling strikes?"...and, like most of us have at one point or another, my censor button failed and I immediately replied, "When your pitchers starts throwing them!" I literally heard my partner laugh out loud on that one, and looking back on it, it's probably one of the funniest things I've heard on a baseball field.

[guitarplaya2007]

I didn't experience this one but one of my buddies in aaa told me this story. As the crew was walking down the tunnel the home manager yells f*close you! Pu replies you wish it would be the best night of your f-ing life!

[guitarplaya2007]

*** the manager yelled f*ck you... Stupid autocorrect

[Umpire in Chief]

I've never pulled this one, but temptation will get me one day.

Numerous times when I have a potential obstruction, whether it is truly obstruction or not, the third base coach will go ape-$h!+ yelling, "That's interference."

One day I am going to call his runner out for interference and just say, "You told me that was interference." :shrug:

[JonnyCat]

I've never pulled this one, but temptation will get me one day.

Numerous times when I have a potential obstruction, whether it is truly obstruction or not, the third base coach will go ape-$h!+ yelling, "That's interference."

One day I am going to call his runner out for interference and just say, "You told me that was interference."

One of the guys in our local league did just that a few years ago. Minors LL game and the umpire called type B obstruction, but did not award the next base. Manager comes out and argues for interference. Umpire and manager apparently had some history and the manager was a bit of an ass. Manager was insistent on interference, so the umpire says, "You want interference? You got it coach, the runners out." Manager ended up getting tossed. Not something I would do, nor do I think it is right. But it was damn funny!

[UMP45]

On the 1st base foul line. Partner comes to me with a check swing. I strike it and the 1st base coach looks at me and "are you kidding"? I said "if he'd of hit it he would've hit it out of here"!

[yawetag]

INT only if it was the offensive dugout. If it was the defensive dugout, too bad for them, foul ball.

Of course it was the offensive dugout. I'm not that horrible.

[Jocko]

INT only if it was the offensive dugout. If it was the defensive dugout, too bad for them, foul ball.

I'm not that horrible.

anymore

[mstaylor]

I had a JV coach that didn't want to come to the plate meeting, he told his asst we could wait. That didn't happen. Then he told his asst to keep hitting infield. That didn't happen either. Games starts and my PU comes to me on a check swing, which I ball. The problem child expresses displeasure, asking if I was kidding. I told him no. A few batters later, he comes to me again, and I again ball it. Now the manager is ready to stroke out and asks how far does he have to go before I am going to call it. I told him evidently farther than he was.

[NFUA_44]

INT only if it was the offensive dugout. If it was the defensive dugout, too bad for them, foul ball.

I'm not that horrible.

anymore

But Jax is! Well he's in the bottom 5 with me anyway. :rollinglaugh:

[Jocko]

INT only if it was the offensive dugout. If it was the defensive dugout, too bad for them, foul ball.

I'm not that horrible.

anymore

But Jax is! Well he's in the bottom 5 with me anyway.

it's CROWDED at the bottom! Ima hafta endeavor to improve. You guys are suffocating me! Get off! Get off! :smachhead:

[Txump10]

Have only heard this one never used it

HC "The ball hit his hands it should be a foul ball, the hands are part of the bat."

Ump "Really? I'd like to know where you bought a bat that came with a pair of hands."

[stl_ump]

TOP of the first.

Pitcher is eveywhere but over the plate. Frustration has built up for one of the fans and after several walks he yells out "Come on Blue, you got to call 'em both ways"

I just shake my head and want to say "I will.. after we get one complete inning in!"